For months I said I DID NOT want a phone with internet
access. I didn’t need a phone to make me coffee or sings lullabies. All I
needed was a phone that made calls, sent texts, and took pictures. (I’m pretty
sure those last two were on the list of requirements Alexander Graham Bell’s
mother had when she got her first phone.) I feel like I spend more than
enough time on blogs/facebook/google/more blogs/”research” for my
blog/various websites so I didn’t want to carry around a little internet in my
pocket. Mr. iPhone (aka Christopher) did his best to talk me into a smartphone. He kept saying it’s important to stay up to date with technology so that
when I’m old I’ll be able to keep up. I think he’s afraid I’ll become like the
elderly man we heard on the radio who said, “You can visit our world wide
website any time you want. It’s really great because that website is open 24
hours a day, 7 days a week.” I was under the impression that most websites
operate on a 24/7 basis, but apparently he wasn’t. I kept saying that I am
perfectly capable of using smartphones and whatever technology comes down the
road right now, but I have no plans on being technologically inclined when I’m
68. I will be perfectly happy to attend Red Hat Society meetings and talk about
my grandchildren. Besides, I think it’s a little early to be worried about what
technology I’ll have to face in 40 years. My big concern right now is what to
make for supper.

Fast forward to our visit to the Verizon store. I had to
convince the salesman that I would not die if I didn’t have the internet, so
please point me in the direction of the (apparently) old fashioned phones. He
showed me a particular phone that met my requirements but alas, it had an ugly
background that couldn’t be changed (total First World problem!). I asked if
there were any others and he said no, not unless I ventured into the land of
smartphones.  It took two grown men to talk me into getting a phone with internet.  The salesman pointed out I could
update my Facebook status while I was out shopping, but that wasn’t a good
argument as that’s exactly what I’m trying to avoid. Finally he told me the
smartphones were $50 cheaper than the others. Well. He should have just mentioned that in
the beginning because that won me over. Think of all the necessities like
picture frames and scrapbook paper food and gas I could buy with those $50!

And there you have it.- the lengthy story behind my new
phone. Brevity was never one of my finer qualities.

For the record, Mr. iPhone needed me to explain the
ins and out of Twitter. Maybe we should be a little concerned with how well he
handles new technology.

(ps. I still only use the phone for calls, texts and photos. The Verizon man would be disappointed at the lack of witty statuses updated-from-my-phone.)