I have a long history of over-sharing our health issues on this corner of the interwebs and I don’t plan on stopping today. Either X out or settle in.

After AB swallowed the quarter on Saturday, we had x-rays for the next three days. Our pediatrician poked her stomach, drew a diagram of her insides on the table and told me it was probably in there for good. Everyone and their mother said she’d pass it on her own, but she refuses to poop on the potty on a good day, let alone when she knows there’s something inside her that needs to come out. She refused to poop and the quarter refused to leave its cozy spot in her stomach. We were, both literally and figuratively, at an impasse.  

Wednesday morning she said her belly was hurting. The doctor had told me that if she complained of stomach pain to go straight to the hospital. I got us breakfast, packed a few things in a bag and called his office to say we were going to the close children’s hospital an hour and a half away. He called back and said no one there would treat her since it wasn’t an emergency. He also told me that the day before but I thought they’d have to treat her since her stomach was hurting. According to him, this area is under-served for pediatric care. Doctors often push pediatric surgeries onto other doctors. I thought the whole thing was ridiculous and very annoying. Why become a doctor if you’re only going to pick and chose which child’s health is important? I know a swallowed quarter is NOTHING like a child with a heart condition or a cancer, but it’s not normal to have a coin in your body. If your body doesn’t pass it on its own that means it needs some help.

Back to Wednesday. Our doctor’s friend at a children’s hospital 5 hours away said his people would remove it. He called me and was so sweet. He said even though it would be a simple, very common procedure it didn’t mean she was any less important than the other cases. He sounded just like George W. Bush, which I loved. After lunch we drove up to his hospital. Christopher asked if I wanted to listen to a lecture series on communication and business practices with people of other cultures. When do I ever turn down a lecture series? The answer is always, unless it’s a lecture on the latest and greatest potato chip flavors. I said yes and it was actually kind of interesting. Annabelle must have thought the lecturer was getting too much of my attention because she had an accident in her car seat.
Sesame was so excited to be staying in a hotel. She loves a good hotel trip. I think it was all part of her master plan. She wanted to stay a hotel and thought swallowing a quarter was her ticket there. It worked.

We were at the hospital all day yesterday. Everyone was very kind and helpful. I volunteered at a children’s hospital for five years so it was odd to be on the parent side of things. I was always the one leading people around or unlocking doors with my fancee key. We had to wait several hours between the x-ray and the procedure. Annabelle wasn’t allowed to eat since midnight on Wednesday and Christopher joined her as an act of solidarity. My support did not reach that level. If I don’t eat I get hangry and that doesn’t help anyone. At lunch time I got myself down to McDonalds and had some French fries. French fries or chips have always been my comfort food. No wonder I can’t lose weight. Sesame mentioned a few times she was hungry, but she did really well. The procedure went well and they were able to get it out without making an incision in her stomach. The doctor said 8 out of 10 children who come in because of swallowed objects are boys. I don’t know if I should be proud of her for representing the girls or not.

She was so loopy and droopy when we went to see her in recovery that I almost cried. She was shaking and saying she “couldn’t stop being wiggly.” They had turned on Madagascar for her and she snuggled with Daddy and Mr. Lion while the anesthesia left her body. She saw that movie for the first time a few weeks ago at the Y and came home talking about “the gassy car” movie. It took us ages to figure out what she meant. “The gassy car movie with the giraffe and the elephant!”

After the procedure I popped into Carter’s near the hospital and bought a few things as retail therapy/rewarding myself for surviving the past week. I only went in for a bathing suit but I came out with 6 things. They were all 40-60% off so I practically earned us money.

To wrap up this (very boring) novel, I can think of nothing better than what Michelle said. “Annabelle knows how to put her money where her mouth is.” I can’t believe I didn’t think of that myself.

The offending foreign object. It will either be hung up on the wall or used to pay hospital bills.