Next month I’ll be two years old. I wanted to take this opportunity to write my final essay as a one year old. I have high hopes that I will be even more prolific in the year to come.


7:19- I was up late last night but I didn’t sleep in. Mom was hoping I would but I didn’t.
7:28- “Mama? Mama? You comin’, Mama?” Finally she removes me from my crib. I tell her about spilling my water last night and Daddy changing my sheets. I dump out my bows all over the floor.
8:02- I eat Cheerios and milk. It’s the breakfast of champions and toddlers everywhere.
8:19- I spill the milk from my bowl. It might have been an accident or it might have been intentional. The verdict is still out.
8:32- I ask to color. I make a sticker picture and a draw bunch of stripes. I ask Mom to draw a giraffe and pajamas.
8:59- I tell Mom I need the potty. Normally I go in my diaper then announce I need to be changed but I like to switch it up every now and then. I got two chocolate chips as a reward.
9:10- I’m done with coloring. I move to emptying the diaper basket and saying “Happy Thanksgiving!” and “Happy birthday!”
9:39- I lose interest in the diapers and ask for a snack. I don’t get one. Mama reads me stories and I act like I have no idea how the story goes. I get tired of stories and make a pizza out of a plastic cover.
10:00- We go upstairs to get dressed for the day. I try on Mom’s pajama shirt. I get dressed then lay in my bed with Mr. Lion for a few minutes.

10:40- Outta my crib and in the kitchen making muffins! I eat half the blueberries to reward myself for all my hard work.

10:50 to 11:38- Generally very bored with my life. I don’t want to play with my toys or the napkins I took from the cupboard. Mom says she’s “doing work” on the computer. Looks like she’s watching a movie to me.
11:50- Lunch time! Finally! I watch kids sing songs about Jesus while I eat.
12:30- The landlord’s father comes over to look at the leak in the garage roof. I’m excited to see him so I do my normal thing which is stare and not say anything. 
1:00- After he leaves Mom reads to me and I pretend to take a nap on the coffee table. Mama pretends to nap on the couch. She took the pretending too far because I was halfway of the stairs before she opened her eyes and noticed.
1:30- Nap time. When we pray before I go in my crib, Mom requests that I’ll nap until 4:30. LOL.
3:15- I’M AWAKE, MAMA! MAMA??!! I have to wait years for her to come get me.
3:28- She comes up but instead of getting me out she climbs in the crib with me. We talk about Mr. Lion and how he needs mittens.
3:40- Snack time! I eat three baby oranges while watching part of Frozen.
4:30- I want another snack. I get a box of raisins.
4:35 to 5:30. I’m officially a resident of Bored City, USA. Mom comes to play and we bounce on my inflatable horse. We play with Baby Belle and sing songs. I keep asking for Daddy.
6:00- Daddy comes home and instead of going to him I immediately start crying. Mom rolled her eyes. She thought I didn’t see but I did. Dad entertains me by showing my videos of penguins and ducks.
6:20- FINALLY it’s time to eat. I’ve been waiting for this moment for hours.
7:00- Mom says she has more “work” to do so she abandons me. I hang out with Dad for a while.
7:30- Time for my jammies and bedtime story. I get my eye drops and don’t even cry. Mom covers me up with a red blanket. It’s like she doesn’t even know me. I need my green blanket from Memere!
8:11- I’m crying this under cover of darkness in my crib. I think I’ll ask for another snack.