The only post to prove June actually happened

Jul 1, 2023 | Currently | 1 comment

I’ve been trying to blog every single day this month. Here we are at June 30th and I have nothing to show for it. If I had a dollar for every time I’ve bemoaned to Christopher about it, I would be on my dream trip to Europe instead of sitting in traffic in our town.

+ Another year of VBS has come and gone. I was asked to make a sign that looked like a highway exit sign. I researched the same font used on real street signs to make it as authentic as possible. When Sesame and I were hanging silhouettes of people in various athletic poses in the church hallway, she told me, “Mom, none of the kids are going to care that the rock climbing guy looks like he’s climbing the picture frame.” I had a suspicion they’d have the same feeling about Highway Gothic, but I would know. Despite my best efforts and hours of arguing with the computer and then the Cricut machine, I couldn’t download the font or get the cutter to work. I had to use a subpar font and cut the letters out by hand. I consoled myself with AB’s supportive comment that the kids wouldn’t notice anyway. It looked realistic and neither the Lord nor the children cared about fonts.

+ I’ve had several interactions with mechanics and people in the car business lately. I went to Autozone for windshield wipers for both our cars. The kind lady working asked what brand I wanted. Bosch? Rain-X? PIAA Si-Tech? I’ll take any brand that keeps the rain off and doesn’t smear. She asked the make and model of my car and I confidently said 2010 Nissan Rogue. After that, we rolled next door for an oil change. This was not the same place where I told the mechanic “You look hot” meaning ”you have too many layers on for the current temperature and I’m concerned about your risk of heat stroke” not “I am attracted to you.” Obviously, I can never set foot at that place again. I can keep up with the tires, windshield wipers, and any warning lights but I am horrible about getting the oil changed in my car. I’ll go for five years without once thinking about the oil. We’ve been married for 12 years and Christopher will still ask me when the last time I got my oil changed like it’s something I regularly think about. I never look at the sticker they put on the windshield saying when to come in. The last time we had the oil changed, I stuck a piece of paper with the mileage of the next oil change next to the odometer so I’d stay on top of it. I would not let it pass me by this time! Between the wipers and getting the oil changed at a mere 22 miles over the number on the paper, I was riding high on car pride! Daryl the mechanic asked what year my car was and I said 2010. He looked and told me that no, it’s 2014. After a moment I realized he was correct. We did get it the year AB was born, not the year we got engaged. Why Daryl bothered asking when he could figure out the answer himself was an unnecessary step. I don’t need to be a middleman here. Then Lionel the mechanic asked if I needed synthetic, combination synthetic, or high-milage oil. Again with the questions! If the way I remember what year my car is is to know that it’s the same as a major life event and I get that wrong, don’t ask me about oil types. All I know about that is you shouldn’t use olive or sesame oil in your car.

I also recently drove into a brick mailbox.

I NEVER EVER drive into things. I’ve never caused an accident. I had a very clean record. Our neighbors on the next street over have the same house number as us and we frequently get their mail. At this point, the USPS should reimburse me for the number of times a month I fix their work and do a mail drop at the correct house. There was a dip in the ground I didn’t see when I pulled up to the mailbox, the car jerked to the side and slammed into the mailbox. The brick around the mailbox is a bunker so it’s fine, but my car and my heart/ego are not. I felt so sick. Annabelle was very sweet. “It’s ok, Mom! It was an accident! We’ll tell Dad I did it so you don’t have to tell him you did it! He’ll think it was me!” I appreciate the sympathy but that’s not a story he would buy. When I brought the car to the body shop, the man looked at it and said, “Oh! A Rogue! I love those! Bainbridge?” I didn’t know if he was asking where I got it, if he was referring to a specific style of Rogue I wasn’t aware of or what. What I could have done was ask for clarification. What I did say was, “I don’t know…” He said, “Is your last name Bainbridge?” Not only do I not know the year or required oil type, evidently I don’t know my last name. I will not be answering any questions of any kind from here on out.

+ I bought a hat for the cats at Aldi. When I tell you it has brought AB and I an unprecedented amount of joy, I mean it. Linus only kept it on long enough for this picture, but we’ve created an entire storyline to go with his new hat-wearing identity.He is now Master Linus George Krasinski, a French painter visiting the Lourve.

He needed a bowl of fancy French milk after his day of sightseeing.

+ Finally, in other great fashion news, look who I got back into overalls!

Currently, the end of summer edition

Sep 21, 2022 | Currently | 0 comments

Starting: my morning car ride karaoke back up. I only drive to school twice a week so I have to make the songs good. The passenger isn’t overly impressed with my selections but to be fair, I’ve been singing the same two songs for three years now. I sing It’s a Beautiful Day In the Neighborhood and one about having a great day. Once I start a tradition I cannot stop and I will not stop until she asks. Sometimes I change the words to “It’s a hot day in the neighborhood, too hot for September! When will it cool down? When will it cool down?” Copyright pending.
Annabelle did not want a first day of school picture in front of the beautiful balloon arch. I didn’t bother asking. She barely wanted me to walk her into her classroom but I didn’t give her the option. I strolled in like I owned the place. I spent so much time there last year that part of me feels like I do own the place. All the teachers have special beaded lanyards this year and I believe I should have one also. But back to AB. She’s in 3rd grade which is unbelievable. She only started walking last week. I tried to sit with her last week when I was in there at lunchtime and out of the side of her mouth she said, “MOM! I’m with my friends! School is for friends and home is for family and cats!” I said, “Don’t you want a little snuggle? A little kiss? A little hug-a-roo?” “MMMOOOOOMM!!!” But ten minutes later she walked over and kissed me on the head.

The Tuesday/Thursday teacher sends home the work for the other three school days but I add in my some of own curriculum as well. I was talking to AB about what she’d like to do for art this year and she said, “I’m going to paint the Mona Lisa on a grain of rice with a rainbow over her head.” Cool, cool, cool. I was thinking more along the lines of what pinterest might have to offer but reach for the stars!

Planning: teacher lunches. The third Thursday teacher lunches I was in charge of last year have started back up. Someone who wasn’t one bit at all whatsoever involved with my three successful lunches last year but is in somewhat a position of authority at the school told me I needed to plan the lunches a different way this year. He said we had to send out the information and signup link in a new way that parents weren’t used to. I knew it would fail and told Christopher so several times. Don’t mess with my system when it’s not broken! Don’t do it! Christopher said, “You wouldn’t do well in the corporate world. This is how the corporate world operates.” I wouldn’t and that is why I’m a stay at home mom and not in the corporate world. As I predicted, the new system fell apart in every way possible. We pulled it off by the skin of our teeth but it was a complete disaster from a planning standpoint. Mark needs to stay away from my system!

Unsuccessfully avoiding: football. I am not a fan. It is one of the most unorganized sports I’ve ever experienced and I’ve watched toddlers play soccer. I have a shirt I really like that says “New England vs. Everybody” on it. I wear it loud and proud in honor of my homeland because New England is better than everybody. It never once occurred to me that it was in reference to the New England Patriots. Every time I wear it people want to talk football which is unfortunate because I live in the college football-obsessed capital of the US of A. I cannot escape it no matter how much I try. The only football factoid I can contribute is Tedy Bruschi, a former Patriots player, and I had the same orthodontist- Mom’s cousin Frankie. That is the extent of my football “knowledge” and it doesn’t carry me far.

Wearing: my new hat. I have a well-documented interest in Chance the Rapper. I don’t know if I hear him on the radio (I don’t even like rap), but put a magazine with him on the front next to me and I’ll dive right in. I know about his childhood and his family. I know that a few years ago he decided to quit smoking and read the entire Bible at the same time. Personally, that seems like a lot to attempt at once but more power to him. I haven’t read any recent updates so I don’t know that he succeeded on either endeavor, but I’m sure he’ll personally update me when he has time. I’m very invested in his life. We’re an unlikely pairing, Chance and I, but look at Martha and Snoop. Stranger friendships have happened. I’ve been telling Christopher for years that I love Chance’s black #3 hat. Look what arrived in our mailbox this week. WHEN I TELL YOU I PUNCHED THE AIR FOR JOY.We’re basically identical twins. I can get a job as a Chance impersonator if my job at Board & Brush doesn’t pan out.

Mourning: the death of Her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II. I appreciated the many texts of condolence I received. Even the swimming lesson teacher texted me yesterday and said, “I know the queen’s funeral is today if you want to push the lesson back so you can watch it.”

One evening you’re on cloud nine with your new hat and the next you’re under a cloud of sadness. Life, man. What a rollercoaster. Maybe I’ll sing a song about it on the way to school.

Currently, the End of August Edition

Aug 23, 2021 | Currently | 3 comments

Reading: Caroline by Sarah Miller. To be honest I didn’t finish this one before it had to go back to the library. It started out with such potential and I did enjoy some of it, but the descriptions were never-ending. The pages telling the harrowing crossing of the river was seven paragraphs too long. The description of Caroline tying down the canvas to protect their possesions from the rain seemed endless. What I really liked was the book was from Ma’s perspective. The original Little House series focuses on how exciting it was for Laura and Pa but doesn’t bring up how Ma felt beyond her saintly attitude. Ma put up with A LOT. Much more than I would have. For as often as I joke about wanting to live back then, I wouldn’t have done well with some (most) of what they went through. I would have told Charles to go on his merry way. My little China doll and I are staying right here in this cabin with real floors, thank you very much.

I’m in the middle of A Woman is No Man by Etaf Rum. I needed to get away from my normal genres and this fit the bill. So far it’s very interesting.
From Goodreads: ”This debut novel by an Arab-American voice,takes us inside the lives of conservative Arab women living in America. In Brooklyn, eighteen-year-old Deya is starting to meet with suitors. Though she doesn’t want to get married, her grandparents give her no choice. History is repeating itself: Deya’s mother, Isra, also had no choice when she left Palestine as a teenager to marry Adam. Though Deya was raised to believe her parents died in a car accident, a secret note from a mysterious, yet familiar-looking woman makes Deya question everything she was told about her past. As the narrative alternates between the lives of Deya and Isra, she begins to understand the dark, complex secrets behind her community.”

Watching: A Million Little Things and Making It. We’ve watched every season of Making It and it remains one of my favorite shows. It’s The Great British Baking Show of the crafting world. Everyone is so kind to each other, the hosts are so entertaining and the scenery is lovely.

Searching for: the perfect shower curtain. It’s sad how much this excites me. The one we were given for our wedding is about to bite the dust and not that I’ve been waiting for it’s demise, but I’m ready for it to go. It’s hung in 6 of our 8 houses and it should have retired long ago. The list of shower curtains I’ve bookmarked is growing by the day. This is going to turn into a “if you give a mouse a cookie” situation. First it’s “only” a new shower curtain then next thing you know I’m wallpapering and redoing cabinets for a complete bathroom makeover. It’s a slippery slope.

Not appreciating: shows that include the shamandemic in the storyline. I’m living it. I don’t need to see people wearing masks and talking about quarantine when I watch my shows.

Trying: pilates. I finally got up the courage to try classes at the new gym. Pilates starts 30 minutes after I drop Annabelle off at school so I’m already out of the house and really have no excuse not to go. I was worried the class would be too easy since everyone is easily three decades older than me, but it is a workout. Those older ladies have flat stomachs and a lot of endurance. Their legs keep going around in circles while mine barely make it to the end of 20 seconds. When I tried to stand up at the end of the first class, my legs buckled beneath me and I crumpled back onto the mat. All the ladies got up as gracefully as gazelles. But I will press on because I need to lose between .5-20lbs before Aaron’s wedding in December and I hear pilates is good for body shape.

”This is my exploratory expedition outfit.”

Eating: Red Lobster cheddar biscuits. The new gym is in a strip mall near an Italian restaurant. I left pilates determined to be the picture of health that week, but I smelled the restaurant baking bread sticks and bread was all I could think about. Not an hour later I saw a box mix of cheddar biscuits at the store and it seemed like fate. I won’t say how many I ate but it was more than 3. I doubt I will be losing .5-20lb with that kind of diet.

Currently, the selfie edition

Apr 26, 2021 | Currently | 2 comments

Annoyed: that I spent three days trying to write this and half of it disappeared so I have to start over.

Feeling: old. What else is new. A boy from the first family I babysat for got married a few months ago and his wife is pregnant. A few of the other children I watched during my time as mayor of Babysitterville are in college. The first group of preschoolers I volunteered with years ago are seniors high school. None of them would remember me but I remember them all and still have a few pictures they drew me. I very clearly recall the first family I babysat for because it was not a good experience. I was convinced they would be kidnapped or die on my watch so I was very uptight. I was unsure of what their mom allowed so I’m sure I seemed like a stick in the mud. Fast forward a couple years and I was a laid back party on wheels. They had a pug named Abby who I DID NOT LIKE ONE BIT. She smelled awful and constantly had accidents in the kitchen. She forever ruined pugs for me. Their mom was supposed to pay me $6 an hour, which seemed like a fortune at the time. She kept lowering the rate as the weeks went by and gave me whatever dollar bills she found crumpled in her purse. Once she gave me $5 for 5 hours. I had to talk to her about it which took at least three years off my life.

Buying: a pillbox and reading glasses. This purchase did nothing to help me feel better about my age. Actual footage of me right now.

Frustrated: with this town. The entire place operates in the same sloppy way. Christopher and I had lab work done at one doctor’s office that was supposed to send the blood to a lab then send the results to a second doctor’s office. There was mass confusion about which office the results were being sent to and neither office got any. No one knew what happened to our collective 24 vials of blood. I called both offices several times a week and we finally tracked it down at the lab. The lab knew my doctor’s name but had the fax number wrong so instead of calling them for clarification, they did nothing with the results. They then told us that they couldn’t do a specific test on Christopher’s blood but again, instead of letting us know, they let it sit on a shelf and “get too old” to reuse on a different test. All of this has taken several more years off my life.

I’ve been wandering in a hairdresser desert for a year and a half now. I needed to break up with my hairdresser, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it since she was also a friend. Instead of addressing this as Christopher would have (“Just tell her you found a new place. It will be fine.”) I chose the path of least resistance and stayed at her salon. My friend moved and I recently went to a new place someone recommended. The hairdresser was surprised to see me even though she had confirmed the appointment. My cut started 27 minutes late because she had to “run next store real quick and buy jeans before they close.” She came back with jeans, a few shirts and a pair of new earrings. Silly me was expecting it to be a professional operation but nope. She did a great job so now I have to decide if I want to budget an extra 40 minutes when I make an appointment in case Mary wants to go on another shopping spree.

Hearing: my friends say they’re getting off social media because it’s a time sucker.

Discovering: new filters when I should be weeding the garden. See also: time sucker. I sent Aaron these pictures to prove that I am capable of filling any and all roles as his future wedding planner.
Makeup artist

Bouncer to stop wedding crashers

Ready, willing and able to perform religious ceremonies

He has not taken me up on any offers yet but I will not give up. There are more filters and ignoring of housework where those came from.

Blaming: everything on the ship that was stuck in the Suez Canal. Every time I need something at the store that isn’t in stock I blame the ship. CVS is out of the one very specific dosage of Tylenol I need? Blame it on the ship. The dollar store has bare shelves and looks like a Russian grocery store from 1990? Blame it on the boat. I didn’t get all the laundry done? Blame it on the boat.

Listening: D-Day Darlings and Dadville. The former is a group that sings WW2 songs and the latter is, as the name hints, a podcast for dads. It’s such an entertaining podcast that I don’t even care that I’m not the target audience. I happen know several dads and this makes me feel like I might be able to understand them a little more. Their ads reel me in hook, line and sinker. I’ve come this close to purchasing a custom-made grass food formulated specifically for my zip code.

Not comprehending: how men, specifically Christopher, do not notice things. He generally notices when I get a haircut (mostly because I make a production of reminding him I’m getting a haircut) but beyond that, he is not the most observant man in the world. Not even the 5,598th most observant man, if we’re being honest. I replaced a shelf, styled it with new decor and he didn’t notice. There was a piece of paper on the floor in front of his sink for literally weeks and he didn’t move it. Let’s not forget the time he had fake eyelashes attached to his headlights for a week without noticing them. We were watching Captain America recently and he made a comment about what the artist in the movie was painting. I asked how he knew what was being painted since we didn’t see the actual painting and he said, “We saw that the paint on the artist’s pallet was the same color as the bad guy which tells us what he was painting a portrait of the bad guy.”

Appreciating: Annabelle’s optimism. At night after her first tball game, she prayed, “Thank you that the game was tied.” They lost 25-7.