maternity pictures (because I had absolutely no ideas for a creative title)
(The photographer kept telling me to stick my stomach out so I’d look more pregnant.
I could only stick it out so far.)
Watch Sesame Grow, weeks 36 and 37
Edition: Contrary to how it looks, I have not reversed to only 3 weeks 6/7 days pregnant. I missed last week so this is the 36 and 37 week update.
Size of baby: According to the weekly emails, over 6 lbs. According the the midwife, anywhere between 4 1/2 and 6 lbs.
Fun fact: The specialist said Sesame’s head will probably be small since the baby has stayed in the same position the whole time and it (the head) basically ran out of room to grow. I didn’t know that was possible. As long as we don’t end up with a Barbie sized head on an 18” doll situation I try not to worry about it too much.
Size of mother: I’d rather not discuss the number on the scale at my appointment on Tuesday.
What’s on the menu: I had a white chocolate pudding cup with my breakfast the other day. I almost didn’t because Mom would never ever let us eat pudding for breakfast growing up, but then I decided this is my house, my rules so I ate it anyway. What can I say? I’m a rebel child.
Worst part of the week: When the specialist was examining me and all I could think about was THIS is exactly why I specifically choose a midwives office with no men in sight. Hello, awkward.
Best part of the week: Daniel coming to visit.
Other things I have to say: I found a birthday cake for Sesame’s first birthday. I know it sounds like I’m rushing things, but I decided years ago that my child would have a bumble bee themed first birthday so really I’m just continuing on with an 8 year plan. Thanks to Pinterest I had decided on a cake but today I saw one I’ll probably make instead. I’d like it to be very clear that I will NOT be baking and bringing any birth day cake to the hospital when Sesame is born. The Bradley book recommended as much and I rolled my eyes at that suggestion. They expect me to deliver a baby AND go all Martha Stewart with cakes and streamers? What type of super woman do they think I am?
I’d like to go on record as saying that I will probably cry when Sesame turns one year old. And one month old. I’m going to be one of those parents.
I apologize if any Nashville drivers feel insulted upon reading this
Yesterday my alarm went off at 5:50. I don’t like alarms and I really don’t getting up when the first number on the clock is below 7 so you can imagine how happy I was to be up. I am hardly the Proverbs 31 woman when it comes to rejoicing in rising while it is still dark and all that.
I had three doctor appointments in Nashville with the first being at 8:20 which meant I had to leave before 6:30 to beat the traffic. I’ve mentioned before that Nashville drivers aren’t my favorite. In what city does it make sense to take a left turn through an intersection when the light is red?? Allow me to show you what morning rush hour looks like. I am the poor, unfortunate soul in the red ca.
I about lost my mind.
I was traveling with Louiz (as in “Geez Louiz, I can’t believe I’m relying on you to get me to my destination/Geez Louiz, why are you recalculating again.”) but he wasn’t always too helpful. The arrow down at the bottom told me to turn left but the green road went straight than at some point turned around and went the opposite direction. This is one reason I should never be a pilot. I can barely point myself in the right direction when I’m on the ground.
I eventually made it to the appointment with 10 minutes to spare. The receptionist gave me paperwork and this:
It’s a restaurant buzzer. Because the nurses aren’t big into calling your name anymore.
She didn’t explain what to do or where to go when it went off. I had no clue and didn’t want to seem uneducated by asking so I sat there staring at it and contemplating what I would order if it was a real restaurant buzzer. A cheese bagel and coffee from the Au Bon Pain down the hall in case you’re wondering. Between the alarm going off at the crack of ridiculous, the traffic and the buzzer I was ready to curl up for a nap and call it a day. At 8:16am.
And then the doctor asked if any females in my family have a misshapen, unusually sized or underdeveloped uterus.
AS IF I WOULD KNOW.
I can tell you the eye color and birthday of every female in my extended family but I have no idea the state of anyone’s uterus. I guess my mom’s performed well because she successfully had twins but beyond that I’m completely clueless.
I was also completely clueless about French kisses having a scent.
It really wasn’t a bad day. Sesame is small but not in danger, I had almost five hours between the second and third appointments so I had way too much plenty of time to do every errand I could think of and, most importantly, I learned what a French kiss smells like.
Watch Sesame Grow: week 35
Edition: Could the shadow behind me look any larger?
Size of baby: About 18” long and 5 lbs.
Fun fact: All kidneys are fully developed. I say ”all” in an attempt to remind myself that we have two kidneys and one liver. The other day I had it backwards which is why I am not an anatomy teacher. Apparently the college level anatomy and physiology class I took in 10th grade and was so proud of didn’t really stick.
What’s on the menu: After 35 weeks I finally had a craving- I saw a package of powdered doughnuts at Walmart and decided I wanted one so we stopped at Dunkin Donuts (where else) for one. Other than that healthy snack I’ve been into carrot sticks. But I’ve always been into carrot sticks so that’s not saying much.
Worst part of the week: The Worst Cold/Cough Since 2012 rages on. Someone told me it lasts for three weeks so I’m halfway there. Yippee.
Best part of the week: Not pregnancy related, BUT IT FINALLY SNOWED.
Granted it was only about 3 inches of snow mixed with ice, but I was so excited. The rest of the town (and the entirety of Fort Campbell) wasn’t so happy about the situation and shut down.
Other things I have to say: The girls from Sunday school had a Mom to Bee bumblebee shower for me on Saturday. It was so sweet!
Watch Sesame Grow, week 34
Edition: The tshirt, no makeup, I have the plague self portrait
As told by Sesame
Size of baby: They tell me I’m the size of a cantaloupe. Anyone know what that is?
Fun fact: I don’t know if I’m getting bigger or my Hotel Womb room is getting smaller, but things are a little tighter in here than they used to be.
Size of mother: I don’t know. I’ve never seen her.
Size of mother: I don’t know. I’ve never seen her.
What’s on the menu: As a general rule food down here is only so-so but I had lasagna the other day and it was probably the best thing at this restaurant since I arrived (potato chips being a close second). My mom kept saying she hasn’t eaten than much in months. I believe it. She eat pretty much the entire pan. (Editor’s note- I hate to toot my own culinary horn, but it was the bomb dot com of lasagnas. The last time I ate that much was last summer aka pre-Sesame.)
Worst part of the week: People (not to name names but I’m thinking specifically of my parents) are always poking me in the eye. I don’t think they mean to, but they do it almost every time they feel Mom’s belly and say, “There’s the head!” I HAVE EYES IN MY HEAD YOU KNOW.
Best part of the week: Story time! New books! Dad’s a good reader. He always tells me about the pictures.
Best part of the week: Story time! New books! Dad’s a good reader. He always tells me about the pictures.
Other things I have to say: My mom’s not kidding about having the plague. In fact, I think she’s making light of the situation because when she coughs it’s like an earthquake down here.
Dad has a habit of putting his face up to the wall of my hotel room and saying, “Hellllloo, baby! It’s your daddy!” I appreciate that he always identifies himself, but sometimes it sounds like he’s yelling at me because he’s so close. “HELLLLLOO, BABY! IT’S YOUR DADDY!” No wonder I jump when he talks.
Speaking of him talking, Mom always tells him when she thinks I’m not moving enough. Can’t a kid have a few hours of rest?? He’ll get down on my level (probably the only time Mom is taller than him) and tell me to move around a little more. I’m very obedient so I always listen, but then sometimes Mom complains that I’m moving too much and it hurts. What does the woman want me to do? Can’t she make up her mind?
Finally, is it just me or does my dad have a really long torso and my mom no torso at all? I’m beginning to get a little concerned about who I’ll take after.
the family that visits the fire station together may or may not stick together
Christopher put the baby’s car seat in on Sunday.
I stood around reading the manual while he talked about how the activity was stressing him out. Good times all around! I hate reading manuals but I felt it was the responsible parent thing to do. It was probably more helpful than my speech about not liking car seats until the child is old enough to buckle/unbuckle himself.
We drove down to the fire station to have them inspect our work because have I mentioned the responsible parent thing? Not to mention that the car seat was flopping all around which seemed just a little unsafe. The front door of the fire station was locked so we walked around back. The back door was unlocked but the place looked dead so naturally Christopher walked right in and started poking around. This would be a good time to point out that the 911 system in our town is less than stellar. They’re pretty much a 9-5 operation that takes the weekends off. I wish I was kidding. Based on this knowledge I wasn’t surprised no one was around. I stood by the door while Christopher looked for someone then decided I didn’t want to be charged as an accomplice if he got in trouble for wandering the building. I vowed to stay with him in sickness and in health, not situations of possible arrest. I fled the scene with a clean conscience.
Just as I was walking away from the door a fire truck pulled up. I didn’t know what else to do so I avoided eye contact and made it seem as if I was VERY INTENT of fixing my hair. In other words, I tried to look completely sweet and innocent. When I got to the car I realized it was locked but never fear! The window was down so I reached in and unlocked it. Everyone knows the best way to protect the new car seat you just paid an arm and a leg for is to leave the car locked with the window down.
In what is the most anticlimactic ending to a story in the history of stories, the firemen weren’t upset about a law-abiding citizen wandering their halls. They looked at the car seat in all it’s floppy glory and declared it was made that way. “The weight of the infant will hold it down.” Well let’s hope we have a 16 pound infant* because a tiny 4 pounder won’t do much.
The fire chief did point out that generally the police station is the place to visit in times of car seat questions. I told Christopher that but yet we ended up at the fire station. I never vowed to not keep track of how many times I am right during our marriage, so another point for Team Sarah.
*I am so totally kidding about the 16 pounder. I never in a million years want to deliver a baby that large.
Wife, mother, laugh-er at very inopportune moments, and matchmaker. I am an excessive user of commas and exclamation marks. I once won March Madness despite knowing nothing about basketball, and I know how to find all the best Dunkin Donuts coupons. Clearly my talents are just endless.