Oct 2, 2021 | The Humiliation Chronicles, What's going on |
The planning of Aaron’s wedding has been a slow uphill climb.
I was in a coffee shop working on the wedding and the two hipster pastors also there were talking about the upcoming wedding of one of them. I wasn’t eavesdropping! They were speaking loudly in a public space for all to hear. Not that I don’t eavesdrop, but in this particular situation I wasn’t. The already married one said they were engaged for nine months and his mother-in-law planned the wedding so ”it was a piece of cake.” The groom-to-be said they’ve been engaged for six months and it hasn’t been long enough. Meanwhile, I’m over here planning a wedding on a very small budget in five months. I planned my own wedding in four months so I know it can be done, but planning a wedding from 1,200 miles away in a venue I’ve never been in and won’t see until the week of the wedding is a horse of a different color.
The food situation is a real conundrum. The wedding is so close to Christmas and the venue is not a caterer’s dream so we’re having a hard time nailing someone down. I’m getting worried we won’t find someone in time. I might resort to calling Dunkin Donuts and ordering 200 munchkins. I am not Jesus performing the miracle of feeding 5,000 with five loaves of bread and two fish. I can’t scrounge up a caterer to feed 91 people with a bag of croutons and a can of tuna.
Planning a wedding involves too many phone calls and too much talking to strangers. I am very particular about who I will happily talk to on the phone and numerous caterers, rental companies, people at the venue & more don’t make the cut. No matter how many times I go over the agenda in my head before I call I always mess something up.
Speaking of messing up something in a conversation…
At work a few weeks ago a woman told me she’s colorblind and can’t tell between greens, blue and black. I made sure to be very clear about where I put those colors to avoid confusion. She also couldn’t see some parts of the stencil well so I helped with that as well. I tried to help without going overboard and babying, for lack of a better word. It was all going fine until the end. I told her she could put regular wax on her sign which would barely change the color of the paint, or she could use antique wax which would change the shades and make them look aged. What I should have done was leave it at that. What I did was follow up my statement about the antique wax changing the colors with, “It’s good for people who can actually see that kind of thing.” The second it came out of my mouth I was MORTIFIED.
I don’t know why I said it, it just came out. I didn’t mean to be rude. I wouldn’t say, ”Oh, you don’t have arms? Here, take a bat and go play baseball.” Her best friend was with her and she thought it was hysterical because evidently she’s always teasing her about mismatching and whatnot, but I am not a best friend who can say that kind of thing to a stranger. I’m supposed to be A Professional. A professional hider in a box who never shows my face at work again is what I’ll be.
Jun 24, 2015 | Motherhood, The Humiliation Chronicles, What's going on |
Apparently I took a 13 day blogging break.
I didn’t mean to take a break, it just happened. I can barely even remember what happened between last time I blogged and now. I do remember that I sat Annabelle down on the edge of the front porch to take her picture and she fell over backwards into the bushes. Yesterday she got half a plastic Easter egg stuck in her mouth. Look for my book on child safety coming out next month.
Joanna, one of my best friends from home, has been visiting for the week. We went to Walmart and the splash pad so I’m sure all her dreams of a wild and fun Nashville vacation were fulfilled. She keeps saying she doesn’t mind hanging out at home or doing Annabelle things but I still feel bad it’s not more exciting. I scheduled AB to go to daycare today so we could spend some time alone but poor Joanna got the stomach bug and spent all day in bed. I wasn’t going to cancel daycare at the last minute so after I dropped Annabelle off I went to the car place to vacuum out my car. All was going well until I accidently started vacuuming up my shirt and couldn’t get it to stop. My shirt got lifted so high I’m sure the bottom of my bra was showing. Speaking of awkward moments. At church on Sunday I was wearing my new wedges and I lost my footing and fell over. You can just call me Grace. Naturally I didn’t fall over in an empty room. I fell over in front of a crowd. I didn’t know what to say to I blurted out “Sorry! I’m so sorry!” WHAT WAS I SORRY FOR? That they had to witness what appeared to be a drunken mother leaving the nursery? I might need to find a new church.
Since we’re already all over the place here I might as well discuss daycare. After much anguish and tears I decided to send AB to daycare a few hours a week while I go to appointments, do errands, paint my nails and sit around eating bonbons. A lady the next street over runs a little home daycare and since available babysitters are few and far between around here, I signed her up. Last week was her first time going and I almost threw up in the bushes outside the lady’s door, I was so nervous. You may be thinking I’m a helicopter parent who doesn’t let her child out of sight. You would be wrong. I’ve hired babysitters and left her plenty of times but I never dropped her off with someone I don’t know. I’ve seen the news. I know what can happen. That’s why I picked a place close to my house. I can practically see it from my back deck so if there’s a fire I can be there before the first responders. I wish I was kidding.
In other news, we celebrated Father’s Day. I ordered Christopher’s gift late so it didn’t arrive in time for him to open Sunday but he got no less than 7 cards to make up for the lack of wrapping paper. He stayed home with Annabelle while Joanna and I went out to paint pottery. It was his special day so it seemed only fair he should have the privilege of changing the many diapers of his favorite offspring while the one who brought her into this world relaxed.
Jul 4, 2014 | Holidays, The Humiliation Chronicles, What's going on |
The other day Annabelle and I went to pick up a few things at Publix. The following conversation took place between me and the boy bagging the groceries:
Him: Do you want me to push the carriage* out to the car for you?
Me: No thank you, I’m fine. (I’m all for boys being gentlemen but I didn’t have any spare cash for a tip.)
Him: Are you sure? I don’t mind.
Me: Oh, we’re good.
Him: It’s not a problem.
Me: I can do it but thank you anyway.
I then proceeded to crash the carriage straight into the neighboring cash register and almost run over people entering through the exit door. Just call me Grace.
* Carriage/cart/buggy. Toemayto, toemato.
To add to the awkward experiences I’ve lived through lately, when the pastor at church said to me “I’ll tell Chris too”, I stared at him for 48 minutes trying to figure out who this Chris person was. Don’t mind me. I’m just the person who doesn’t recognize her husband’s name when she hears it.
So that’s been life around here. In other words, it’s business as usual.
*
I am so excited about Annabelle’s first 4th of July. Fourth of July is right up there with Christmas when it comes to my favorite holidays. We made an American flag with her footprint. Feel free to send us a Pinterest Parents of the Year Award.
To round out this hodge podge post, and because I’m procrastinating about cleaning the bathroom, I present the following photo. This is the face of someone who slept from 9:30pm-6:30am, partied for an hour then went back to sleep until 10:30.
This is how I felt about Sesame’s sleep accomplishments:
HAPPY DANCE! HAPPY DANCE! HAPPY DANCE!
