May 8, 2018 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
For most weekends since we moved here we’ve stayed home and done things around the house. This Saturday we went to a strawberry farm for their family day. The event planner (Christopher) said it was a local farm. It was actually nearly an hour away which didn’t please the smallest member of the family. “Are we there yet? Can I have a snack? Can you turn on my story? How much longer? Are we almost there?” For someone who has traveled thousands of miles in a car she did not handle the 47 minute drive well.
It was so far out we expected it to be a rinky-dink place but it was surprisingly well kept and pretty. The gift shop had desserts, jams, decor, toys and crickets. FLAVORED CRICKETS.
I was horrified. I thought it must be a joke, like chocolate “reindeer droppings” at Christmas. I turned it over and the ingredients said crickets, salt… Spelling it crick-ettes doesn’t make them any less gross.
Moving on to more normal people things, we took a tractor ride around the farm. Seeing wild alligators at a strawberry farm was a new sight as well. The lady giving the tour was tossing bread but I think she should have been feeding them sour cream and onion crickets. They need to be destroyed.
We saw a pig race, played on the playground and meet a pig named Barbeque.
We could have played in the sandbox at home and saved ourselves seven dollars.
All in all it was a lovely, albeit scorching hot, day. We left with strawberries, sunburns and not one bacon and cheese crick-ette.
May 3, 2018 | In a People House, Love & Marriage, Uncategorized |
I spent three days last week taping, priming and painting a wall in the living room. It seemed very deja vu which it was because I did the same exact thing when we arrived two months ago. We had painted an accent wall brick red but after a while, it started to feel like we were living in a fire station. Since we had just done it I assumed I’d worked out all the kinks then and it would be a breeze to get done. I had planned to wake up early and get some painting done before AB woke up. It never happened. I woke up late, a can of red paint spilled in the laundry room and went under the washing machine and Annabelle’s feet and legs got covered in non-washable primer. We went to the store for a break and to buy the paint. There wasn’t a salesperson in the paint department and Annabelle had a meltdown as we were checking out. Needless to say, it wasn’t an easy breezy painting experience. I painted the wall green and Christopher keeps saying he wants to paint pieces of chocolate on it because it looks like mint chocolate chip ice cream. That’s exactly the look I was going for!
We celebrated our seventh anniversary on Saturday, a day early. We hadn’t gone on a date since last year so it was high time we hit the town without our third wheel. We actually did the farthest thing from hit the town. We went to Jimmy Carter’s boyhood home. Normally I’d save historical trips for non-romantic days but as we never have a babysitter we seize the day on any activities. Plus my goal of becoming first lady is always at the forefront of my mind and being seen at a historic site is good for publicity.
The lady at the gate said we missed seeing Jimmy at by only a few hours. I’m always two steps away from fame! The farm was really pretty and we enjoyed strolling without answering questions about what squirrels eat and if we could ride the horses. That didn’t mean we had completly intellectual conversation. I couldn’t get over the cleanliness of the chicken coop. You really CAN have a clean chicken coop! How pretty! Look at the clean chickens! Christopher took one look and said, “You can have a clean coop if you have the whole of the National Park Service and government funding to clean it for you.” Good point.
We saw this sign and I immediately cleared my schedule on all those Sundays. Christopher said we shouldn’t turn our days of worship into days of chasing celebrities. Sometimes I get the feeling he doesn’t take my political aspirations/celebrity meetings seriously.
For supper, we went to a fancy restaurant that opened in the late 1800’s. I made a reservation which was completely unnecessary given that we were the only ones there. Usually we eat at restaurants that give little black buzzers when you show up so I always feel fancy making a reservation. The restaurant was beautiful and I felt like someone from Downton Abbey was going to walk in at any moment.
The traditional gift for the 7th anniversary is copper. Christopher never wears sunscreen so I thought about getting him a bottle of Coppertone and calling it a day. I ended up gluing pennies from the years we were born, met and married into a wooden heart-shaped frame. Partway through making the gift it occurred to me that pennies might only be copper coated and not 100% made of copper but I didn’t research it. Ignorance is bliss and I didn’t want to come up with a new gift at the eleventh hour. He gave me a rose gold copper pineapple tumbler that I love. I have such a rose gold obsession right now.
Our week so far has been a combination of lost patience (me) and an unnamed child who has decided it’s cool to recreate the terrible twos (which she never had in the first place) and the moodiness of a preteen girl. She cries about everything. She cried because I didn’t remember the same thing as her. She cried because it was too warm to wear her footie pajamas. She cried because we had to wash her clothes. She keeps telling me she misses her old school and friends so I know she’s still adjusting to the move. I just wish her adjusting wasn’t so painful for all of us. Her allergies have been horrible here too. She gets welts the size of nickles from ant and mosquito bites. Something irritated her face and her eyes swelled up. She still manages to be cute with a swollen face which I never do.
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This was the day she was digging in the garden and making dirt beef sandwiches.
I’m dieting so I didn’t eat any. |
She’s also big into making messes. I don’t know why I bother cleaning the house during the day. My toy organization system in useless. If only I had the National Park Service and government funding to clean for me.
Apr 25, 2018 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
You may not have heard, but a new baby boy was born into the royal family this week. Of course, I don’t care about such things but I know some people do.
KIDDING.
I walked around Walmart with my phone propped up in my purse so I could see the live stream and not miss the baby’s debut in front of the hospital. If I had the same level of dedication to exercise that I have to this family I’d be a supermodel in less than two weeks.
Kate wasn’t the only one to have a baby that day. Annabelle went into Walmart intending to buy a veterinary kit (or as she says, “a doctor for animals who are sick who need a doctor because they broke a nose or something so they need to see the doctor kit”) but she got a doll instead. An adoption happened right there in aisle 11. It was very touching. She and the baby have been inseparable since. She has four other dolls she plays with occasionally but had nothing like her attachment to this baby. It could be that I pushed the other babies too much or maybe it’s just the age she’s at, but either way, it’s so sweet to see her care for the baby.
There was a brief period of time where the baby was called both Ruthie and Paige, but even Kate Middleton hasn’t released the name of her baby yet so the delay in naming was keeping with the theme of the day. The name officially decided on is Paige Aige.
She went on a field trip to the aquarium with us yesterday. Annabelle didn’t show her the frogs because she knows I hate them.
All this talk of new babies got me thinking about when I had Sesame. Kate looks like a glowing angel sent down from heaven. Prince Squishy Cheeks is bundled to perfection. She looks as if she was on her way to an event at Royal Albert Hall and she happened to pick up a baby along the way.
This was me a few hours after the worse hours of my life I had Annabelle. I have never looked worse. My face is puffy, I had been crying for hours and all I wanted was more pain medicine. There was nothing angelic or heavenly about it.
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| Apparently, I’ve lost all self-respect. I swore no one would ever see this picture. |
I know Kate had a team of people to help her get ready and look glamorous but I’m sure she wanted nothing more than to be wearing sweatpants and slippers instead of parading her child in front of the world. I felt so bad that she didn’t get to lie down for hours on end. She may have looked saintly but I know under that pretty red dress she was wearing mesh underwear and a pad the size of New Mexico. Motherhood is the great equalizer.
Apr 21, 2018 | Sesame, Uncategorized, What's going on |
I’m coming to you live from my couch. I normally blog from my couch so this is nothing new, but the point is I’m not in Houston at Barbara Bush’s funeral. I discussed attending it but you know, I have a child and no babysitter. Little details like that. I am wearing my pearls in her honor. I’ve received no less than 5 calls and texts of people expressing their sympathy. My love of Barbara was widely known and I wish her family the best.
I may have mentioned it once or seventy-three million times before, but my sweet child never.stops.talking. She came up from under water at swimming lessons and started talking before her head was fully out of the water.
I don’t know who she gets it from.
Actually, I do. Her father is the same way.
Every day we have a version of this conversation.
“Mama, can I habe a snack?”
“Sure. What do you want?”
“Anything you can find is good.”
“Raisins?”
“No.”
“Apples and peanut butter?”
“Nope.”
“Cheese stick?”
“Hhmmm. I don’t think so.”
“What do you want???”
“Do you have anything else?”
“Whale crackers?”
“No.”
We skipped right over the terrible two stage of crying at every little thing but it’s hit us full force in the last few weeks. Sesame cried because the electricity went out. She cried because the clothes she made dirty were being washed. She cried when the water was going down the drain. She cried because I said she was too big for something. “I’m still a widdle kiiiiiiiiiid.” It’s been a real joy.
Wednesday I took her to the doctor for what seems like the 80th time since we moved here. I actually apologized to the doctor for taking up more of his time. They put us in the Frozen room and I got very excited and said they must know she loves Frozen. She said, “I doubt it. They didn’t ask me if I like Frozen so I think they just wanted to put me here because it was open.” The magic of these things is supposed to last for years!
Playing school has become a very close second to playing birthday party. We still play birthday party every single day (imagine the excitement of realizing the Beanie Baby’s birthday is April 16th ON April 16th!) but school has started to take over. We had to take 7 of her students to get the mail the other day. AB gave up halfway to the mailbox and sat down on the grass. I kept walking with the other friends. When the man removing the pile of branches from the yard waved at us, I waved back with Polar Bear’s arm. Nothing to see here! Just a grown woman walking around her yard holding stuffed animals.
At least she still wants to wear matching clothes. I’ll make her do this until we’re both old and gray.
Apr 18, 2018 | Currently, Uncategorized |
Eating: Toast topped with a piece of prosciutto, a fried egg
and a dash of parmesan cheese. It’s a huge step up from my typical breakfast of
oatmeal or cheerios.
Drinking: pool water ice coffee. The barista always forgets to put in extra cream but I shouldn’t complain. At least she hasn’t given me a cup with bugs in it this time.
Playing: Chutes and Ladders. I don’t mind most children’s
games but I wouldn’t be sad if this one died and never came back to life. Just
when one of us has finally made it to square 97 we get sent back to the
beginning. It’s never ending circle of torture.
Reading: The Light Between Oceans, Where There’s Hope and
Waiting for Birdy. The higher than normal number of books is directly
correlated to my efforts to spend less time on the computer. Back in ye olden
days of dial up internet and house phones I read all the time and I want to get back to that.
I could not put down The Light Between Oceans. It was
mesmerizing. When I finished I had a lot of
feelings about the fictional characters. I was very invested in their lives. I
seldom read two books about missing children at the same time, but I recently saw that
Elizabeth Smart wrote a new book. I have so much respect for her.
I don’t know if I could experience what she did and still live a normal and
fulfilling life. Waiting for Birdy has been some good comedic relief after
the previous two books. I agree with so much of what she says I swear she’s been in my brain.
Having feelings and opinions about: the upcoming royal
wedding (what else is new?). Yesterday I gave in impassioned
speech to my captive audience. He could not have cared less. He
doesn’t think the powers that be need my advice about the wedding which is a
shame because I have a lot of thoughts. He didn’t think my idea of sending them a nice set of beach towels for their tropical honeymoon was a good idea. I don’t know why I bother discussing these things with him.
Sad about: the passing of Barbara Bush. I’ve loved her for years. I spent several years corresponding with Barbara and George and they even sent us a letter when we got married. I am in deep mourning.
Disagreeing about: Spider-Man and super hero movies. Often
when C and I watch the same movie we see very different things. More
specifically, I notice 10% of what he does. I don’t want to work hard and
figure out detailed plotlines when I watch a movie. I want to be entertained
and not have to put on my FBI hat. I want words on the screen that says where
they are. Don’t make me guess if it’s Bangkok or Tokyo. We had a lengthy
discussion about an opening scene in Spiderman which I claimed was not clear
enough but Christopher insisted could not have been clearer. We had another
disagreement over whether or not aliens had been in a Avengers previous movie.
Christopher insisted they were but said he didn’t know when the movie came out.
I replied that the movie came out in 2012 when we were at Fort Lee. We rode to
the movie theater on the motorcycle, had to sit in the middle of a loud group
of superhero nerds and the fight scene went on so long I always walked out. He couldn’t believe I
remembered all that but forgot the aliens. I can’t believe I’ve somehow gotten so into superhero movies. I don’t even know myself anymore.
Discovering: our neighbors new pet, Twiggy. Twiggy is a
squirrel rescued during a storm last year. I’ve seen him hanging out in a cage
and I’m no vet but I’m pretty sure he has rabies. The parents, five daughters, one
uncle, one random friend, one hamster and four dogs all live under one roof. Personally, I wouldn’t add a squirrel to the mix.
Buying: a new llama air freshener for the car. I bought it at a little gift shop in town where I showed great restraint in not buying everything. The cashier asked if I wanted it wrapped and I said no. Then I changed my mind and said yes. My new thing is to always take advantage of free wrapping even if I’m buying something for myself. I love pretty things and it’s an easy way to make myself happy. The girl said she could fill out a gift tag for me then asked who the gift was for. I didn’t want to say I was having her waste paper on me so I said it was for a friend. (I’m trying to be my own friend.) Then she said. “Do you want me to fill out the tag or…” I froze. I didn’t want to tell her it was to Sarah, from Sarah. I almost said it was for Samantha. I don’t know a Samantha. I told her I’d do it later. She kept asking follow up questions and I got more and more uncomfortable that she was spending 8 minutes wrapping and curling ribbon on AIR FRESHENERS I was going to use myself. Then I couldn’t leave the store because I was pushing the wrong door. I should not take myself anywhere. After all that it doesn’t even smell nice. It’s sort of musky with a side of floral. You could say it smells like llamas in a field of roses.
Apr 12, 2018 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
AB had her 4 year old appointment this morning. She passed the vision test with flying colors and serenaded the nurse with her newest song.
Bum bum bum
Do WAAA.
Bump de bum.
Do do we. ©
It will be topping the charts any day now.
She’s had some residual stomach pain since the quarter incident and the doctor said she lost a little weight but other than that she’s fit as a fiddle. When he was listening to her lungs she looked up from her planet book and commented that she “didn’t think he was doing it right.” So there’s nothing wrong with her sass. He had to give five shots which seemed excessive to me but I’m not here to open the can of worms that is the vaccine debate. She did fine for the first two shots then all hell broke loose. It was full out screaming and kicking. She’s always been very calm during shots so this was new territory for us. To be fair, I would make my opinions heard if I got five shots. We went to Dunkin Donuts for munchkins and coffee to calm our nerves. As she told someone, “Nothing is better than a good trip to Dunkin Donuts.” I’ve never been more proud.
We visited a new playground after the doctor. Annabelle was limping around like she was recovering from double knee surgery instead of a polio vaccine. I knew the playground would make her forget her worries and I was right. She bounced around with her new friend Jack Henry who insisted on calling her Ella. Unlike the doctor, she did not correct him. The playground is at a local church which thought up a brilliant method to bring in the community. They have a combination indoor/outdoor play AND a small restaurant and coffee. The kids get their energy out, the moms drink cafe and no one can leave the enclosed area. It’s the perfect set up. We had lunch there then headed to our next activity.
I met a girl at church who moved here with her Marine husband a few weeks after we did. I feel the new girls should stick together so I invited her to the pottery painting studio with us. I was concerned she’d be an accomplished artist and make me regret the invitation but she had just as much trouble picking colors and painting a straight line as I did. The owners let their very large labradoodle puppy, Oscar, have free range around the place. He wasn’t aggressive but he was a handful. He pulled Annabelle’s bow right off her head and chewed it up, jumped on my shoulders which made me smudge my vase, then he jumped on the table and charged at us. He was a bull in a china shop. Annabelle was only slightly better. She finished her statue before Amy and I had chosen our colors. She was overtired and overly dramatic about the five bandaids on her legs. She kept laying down on the floor and scooting herself along because the aforementioned shots made her legs sore. Then she’d bounce up and yell, “I’M DA SUPERHERO HERE TO SAVE DA DAY!” I don’t think Amy will ever hang out with us again.
Actual footage of Annabelle in the middle of the studio.
