Apr 6, 2018 | Uncategorized |
Edition 1
I like to think of myself as a mostly positive person. I am usually easy going and easy to get along with. That being said, I’ve been keeping a list on my phone of things about this world that annoy me and I’d like to present it to you here.
In no particular order-
1. Improper Instastory etiquette. I don’t want to see you running, singing, eating or chewing gum. Show me what you bought at Target. Show me your baby learning to walk. Don’t even think about chewing gum while having a solo lip syncing party.
2. Maternity photos where the mother wears lingerie. We all know how it happens. No need to show us what you were wearing.
3. Rolling at a red light. Red means stop. It doesn’t mean roll at 2mph into over the stop line.
4. Posting a bad first baby photo. We live in a world where a baby’s arrival is shared within 6 minutes of its birth. Have the decency of posting a good first picture of the baby. Don’t post a picture of a naked, red and screaming little person. Would you like it if the world saw a picture of you like that? Don’t do it to your offspring.
5. K instead of ok. If you don’t have time to type or say the o you need to reevaluate your life.
6. Enneagram. I think knowing whether someone, particularly your spouse or child, is an introvert or extrovert can be so insightful. Being intentional to acknowledge their love language can make them feel wanted and nurtured. Anything beyond that seems like nonsense. I’ve listened to podcasts where they evaluate peoples personality type and assign all sorts of letters that mean nothing to me. “He’s an INFJ and a 6 with a 7 wing.” Or, “I’m an HSP (highly sensitive person) so when the men were putting on the new roof and the dog was barking and the kids were screaming, it was too much for me.” Does anyone like being in that situation? I particularly dislike when someone’s actions are justified because of their number. “He wouldn’t have gotten so mad if he wasn’t a 4.” Maybe he got mad because people get mad. (This is the point where Christopher rolls his eyes and says not everything is black and white. My story, my blog. If he wants to disagree he can start his own blog.) I’m sure there’s a number/letter combination for people like me who don’t care what they are but like I said, I don’t care.
7. When people talk about being on a diet while I’m eating something unhealthy. Let me eat my Doritos in peace. I need to eat my feelings after taking my child to Goodwill and causing a traffic jam in the middle of the aisle because she got stuck under the cart.
8. Female James Bond. I heard a rumor someone was going to remake the original JB movies with a female lead. I have a 7 year (not a coincidence that it corresponds to the number of years I’ve been married) history of ups and downs with James Bond. I can’t say I understand all the storylines or how he manages to fall off a moving train into a waterfall and appear with only a scratch, but he’s grown on me. Talk of a female James Bond really irritates me. We don’t need to recreate a classic series to prove that women are just as good as men. Imagine the outrage if Wonder Woman was played by Hugh Jackman.
9. When the hand dryer in a public restroom doesn’t work and the paper towel holder is empty.
10. When people walk next to the sidewalk instead of in it.
Mar 29, 2018 | Sesame, Uncategorized |
My favorite child turned 4 today.
It was a busy year for Sesame Pie. She started going to MDO for two mornings a week. She visited urgent care after spraying bleach in her face and swallowing a quarter. She got a bead stuck in her nose. She visited Maine, Massachusetts, Rhode Island, Texas, Arkansas and several east coast states between New York and Georgia.
She loves food, staying in hotels, watching shows and eating snacks. She loves making up games and correcting us when we don’t follow the rules she’s always changing. She never turns down a chance to go swimming, eat chocolate or have a dance party. Several times a week we dance to songs from The Greatest Showman. Every day she plans a birthday party for one of her friends. She loves a good time.
She’s done very well with our recent move. She’s mentioned her old friends a few times but overall she’s adjusted very well. She has mentioned several times how she wishes Old Mr. Jim could come visit. Today she reminded me how he would share his lunch from McDonalds with her.
Her favorite shows right now are Creative Galaxy, Boz the Bear, Veggie Tales and Sarah & Duck. She listens to “sweet music” while she goes to sleep. For a while it was hymns but the last few weeks it’s been a Bing Crosby Christmas cd every single night.
She still has her imaginary friend family of Goldbug, Garby, Carla and Azelia. Each one has a unique personality. Their lives get more complicated by the day and sometimes she’ll ask me to make baby Azelia stop crying.
Sometimes I get tired of being her primary caregiver but (generally) I like spending every day with her. She’s still my favorite girl and I think I’ll keep her around for a few more years.
Mar 27, 2018 | Sesame, Uncategorized |
Hello.
How was your weekend?
I walked around town without know that the camisole I wore to cover my bra had slipped down and the entire front right of my bra was hanging out.
I also learned the reason our clothes hadn’t been getting clean in the laundry. I washed the same clothes multiple times, but the stains wouldn’t come out. I thought we needed a new washing machine. Turns out I had been using fabric softener instead of laundry detergent. The bottle of softener was in the same spot I keep the detergent and I didn’t bother reading the label.
I bought a 62” plastic pool from Toys R Us. As I carried it across the parking lot, the wind caught the pool and jerked and pulled me around in front of all the cars. I could barely keep ahold of it. I must have looked like a drunk woman.
I hope you feel better about yourself now.
Despite the issues I have navigating life, I’ve decided it’s time to get a little more in-depth with AB’s education. We read a book about France and found a picture of Monet’s waterlilies. I got out the paint and had her copy one of the paintings. If you’re thinking that was a brilliant idea, I agree. If you’re thinking painting a masterpiece sounds like a good way to use to the endless hours of the day, once again I’d agree. We have a long history of his paintings in our house so it seemed fitting to pass it on to this new and impressionable generation.
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| She calls the original artist Moooooee-naaaaay. |
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| Original artwork by Sesame Monet |
The next morning she told Christopher she didn’t like Jackson Pollock’s art. She and I hadn’t discussed JP so I was impressed with her knowledge. I’d like to thank Creative Galaxy and Amazon Prime for teaching her about art while I lie on the bed resting make soap from scratch and sew quilts. For the record, I agree with her. I think Jackson Pollock is given too much credit. A two-year-old can throw paint against a canvas.
“Ok, Mom. I wrote a list of safety things to keep us safe when we go on a trip that we need to be safe.”
Physical education for the day. Does rain count as her shower for the day?
Mar 24, 2018 | Sesame, Uncategorized |
I have a long history of over-sharing our health issues on this corner of the interwebs and I don’t plan on stopping today. Either X out or settle in.
After AB swallowed the quarter on Saturday, we had x-rays for the next three days. Our pediatrician poked her stomach, drew a diagram of her insides on the table and told me it was probably in there for good. Everyone and their mother said she’d pass it on her own, but she refuses to poop on the potty on a good day, let alone when she knows there’s something inside her that needs to come out. She refused to poop and the quarter refused to leave its cozy spot in her stomach. We were, both literally and figuratively, at an impasse.
Wednesday morning she said her belly was hurting. The doctor had told me that if she complained of stomach pain to go straight to the hospital. I got us breakfast, packed a few things in a bag and called his office to say we were going to the close children’s hospital an hour and a half away. He called back and said no one there would treat her since it wasn’t an emergency. He also told me that the day before but I thought they’d have to treat her since her stomach was hurting. According to him, this area is under-served for pediatric care. Doctors often push pediatric surgeries onto other doctors. I thought the whole thing was ridiculous and very annoying. Why become a doctor if you’re only going to pick and chose which child’s health is important? I know a swallowed quarter is NOTHING like a child with a heart condition or a cancer, but it’s not normal to have a coin in your body. If your body doesn’t pass it on its own that means it needs some help.
Back to Wednesday. Our doctor’s friend at a children’s hospital 5 hours away said his people would remove it. He called me and was so sweet. He said even though it would be a simple, very common procedure it didn’t mean she was any less important than the other cases. He sounded just like George W. Bush, which I loved. After lunch we drove up to his hospital. Christopher asked if I wanted to listen to a lecture series on communication and business practices with people of other cultures. When do I ever turn down a lecture series? The answer is always, unless it’s a lecture on the latest and greatest potato chip flavors. I said yes and it was actually kind of interesting. Annabelle must have thought the lecturer was getting too much of my attention because she had an accident in her car seat.
Sesame was so excited to be staying in a hotel. She loves a good hotel trip. I think it was all part of her master plan. She wanted to stay a hotel and thought swallowing a quarter was her ticket there. It worked.
We were at the hospital all day yesterday. Everyone was very kind and helpful. I volunteered at a children’s hospital for five years so it was odd to be on the parent side of things. I was always the one leading people around or unlocking doors with my fancee key. We had to wait several hours between the x-ray and the procedure. Annabelle wasn’t allowed to eat since midnight on Wednesday and Christopher joined her as an act of solidarity. My support did not reach that level. If I don’t eat I get hangry and that doesn’t help anyone. At lunch time I got myself down to McDonalds and had some French fries. French fries or chips have always been my comfort food. No wonder I can’t lose weight. Sesame mentioned a few times she was hungry, but she did really well. The procedure went well and they were able to get it out without making an incision in her stomach. The doctor said 8 out of 10 children who come in because of swallowed objects are boys. I don’t know if I should be proud of her for representing the girls or not.
She was so loopy and droopy when we went to see her in recovery that I almost cried. She was shaking and saying she “couldn’t stop being wiggly.” They had turned on Madagascar for her and she snuggled with Daddy and Mr. Lion while the anesthesia left her body. She saw that movie for the first time a few weeks ago at the Y and came home talking about “the gassy car” movie. It took us ages to figure out what she meant. “The gassy car movie with the giraffe and the elephant!”
After the procedure I popped into Carter’s near the hospital and bought a few things as retail therapy/rewarding myself for surviving the past week. I only went in for a bathing suit but I came out with 6 things. They were all 40-60% off so I practically earned us money.
To wrap up this (very boring) novel, I can think of nothing better than what Michelle said. “Annabelle knows how to put her money where her mouth is.” I can’t believe I didn’t think of that myself.
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| The offending foreign object. It will either be hung up on the wall or used to pay hospital bills. |
Mar 19, 2018 | Sesame, Uncategorized |
It started out as a normal weekend but things rapidly went south. It turned into a weekend full of Those Days.
We didn’t do anything out of the ordinary- did some school, went to Home Depot, planted flowers, cleaned the house- but everything was going wrong. Christopher brought up buying a gun to shoot the snakes which reminded me again that I wish we didn’t have to move here. Annabelle’s nose was bleeding and wouldn’t stop. She acted up in the store. None of the errands got done. I tried to glue something and the cover came off and the glue went everywhere. The lettuce went bad. A lizard got in the house. It went on and on. None of it was a big deal on its own but combined, it was too much. (I lie. The lizard was a big deal.)
I went to Ulta and things started to look up. I went to Walmart and was about to check out when Christopher called and said, “Everything is fine but…” I HATE when I get those calls. Once he called to say, “Don’t panic, but I passed out and drove off the road.” My mom does the same thing. “Everything is fine, but Elizabeth fell off the roof and we’re in an ambulance on the way to the hospital.” DON’T SAY EVERYTHING IS FINE IF IT OBVIOUSLY IS NOT FINE.
This time was Annabelle. She was playing in the living room when she put a coin in her mouth and choked on it. Christopher’s biggest nightmares are snakes and choking. He heard her gagging and rushed in to see his nightmare coming to life. He wasn’t sure if she had actually swallowed it or if she had coughed it up but he was bringing her to urgent care to be checked. When he called I was standing by the peanut butter. I just sighed and thought “Of course. Of course, something like this would happen today.” Part of me felt like a bad mom for not instantly running to urgent care, but the situation seemed to be under control (she was breathing and talking, etc) and I didn’t want to go through all the work of getting the groceries again. I took the groceries home, grabbed her shoes and meet them at the urgent care. I also brought a bow because I was positive Christopher wouldn’t have remembered to put one on her if he had gone out the door without shoes. She couldn’t be in a compromised health situation and not look cute!
When I got to urgent care they were having the x-ray done. Sesame came back in the room full of stories of having a picture taken of her belly through her dress (“I didn’t eben hab to take my clothes off!”) and how the man drew on her belly with a marker. “But not a marker like I hab! A flat one.” Christopher looked like a man who had faced his worst enemy and barely escaped. The x-ray showed that she had indeed swallowed a coin. It wasn’t a dime or even a penny. It was a quarter. Go big or go home. She didn’t pass the quarter last night so we went back today for another x-ray. The coin is still hanging out in the same spot in her stomach. If it doesn’t work its way out tonight, we’ll have another x-ray and see her doctor tomorrow.
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| I always wanted to swing by urgent care after church. |
We are so thankful it’s “only” a foreign object in her stomach. It could have gotten lodged in her airways and we’d be in a very different situation right now. She was able to do the Easter egg hunt at church that she’s been talking about for days. She was running around with 25 cents hanging out in her stomach.
I didn’t go to the emergency room until my teen years. Sesame Pie has been three times in the last 6 months. She better not keep this up! If she does I’m going to speak to management about getting myself a pay increase. Hopefully, it will be more than 25 cents.
Mar 15, 2018 | Uncategorized |
These little stories and quirks most likely won’t be funny to anyone else, but they made me laugh in the moment and I want to remember them.
Annabelle is very interested in the day of the week and the date. Once hearing that it was March 1st she drew an invitation and planned a March 1st party. She is my child. Every event deserves a party.
A few weeks ago, Christopher and Sesame were making a big Saturday breakfast. He told AB to ask me if I wanted to pick something off their menu or create an a la carte breakfast. She bounced over and said, “Do you want to eat an olive cart?”
She’s begun referring to anything less than ice cold milk as “dead milk.”
I heard her telling our neighbor Olivia about the characters in The Greatest Showman. When she got to the character played by Zac Efron she sighed, gazed out to the mid-distance and said, “He’s just really beautiful.” I almost cried from laughter.
She loves to drink out of a metal measuring up like a minor from ye olden days.
Praise the Lord and all the angels, she’s finally potty trained. It only took 10 months, not that I’m counting or bitter. The first time she peed on the potty was pure coincidental timing. I yelled and screamed, clapped and jumped. I was so excited. She stared me down. “Mom. You don’t need to be so excited about this.” YES, I DO. I LOST SLEEP OVER THIS. I WILL CLAP ALL I WANT.
When she saw that Christopher put strawberries and apples in the salad she said “Well. My parents have odd ways.”
Shortly after we moved in I was sent an indoor tree. I love it. It’s become a real point of pride in my life. I feel like such an adult with a large plant in the house. Part of me has wondered if it makes our living room look like a dentist office but I smash that thought far, far down.
Guess who else likes the tree. Specifically, attempting to climb the tree. This little goober.
Just when I thought her Minnie Mouse phase was over she went out in public like this.
