Jan 31, 2024 | What's going on |
Me in December: Things will calm down after Christmas!
Me in January: We need to coordinate our calendars better. We have too much going on. No free weekends! Who is agreeing to all this?
Last weekend we had a bed build with Sleep In Heavenly Peace, the organization we help with that provides beds for children in our town. Our last build was, to put it mildly, a disaster. Christopher called a team meeting, got out a dry erase board, and assigned all the board members as the boss of a specific area of the building process. He assigned me the headboard station. The organization’s model is that anyone in the community can come to a build and help make a bed. You don’t need experience with tools or saws to help out! Come one, come all! Turns out, you need experience drilling holes straight which I found out the VERY FRUSTRATING WAY. All my table had to do was drill straight through six spots on a 2×4 (4×8? 24×64?) then use another tool to make a 3/4 hole large enough for some type of socket. Or maybe it’s a screw. I don’t know. That wasn’t my assigned department. I understand the process and I’d done it before, but I could not do it that day. I had to keep asking for help and the help told me that to drill in a straight line, I needed to hold the drill straight. Thank you for that insight. I never would have considered such a novel idea. I won’t name names about who the help was, but I am legally and emotionally bound to him for life. Funnily enough, my table was called the Quality Contol table. There was nothing quality about the eight headboards I messed up and had to put in the redo pile. Eventually, I did what any good boss does and I passed the drilling job off to Takiyla who knows how to hold a drill straight.
Here we have my Quality Control table on the left. More quality work is happening because I was taking the picture instead of holding the drill.
In events I can better control the quality of, my friend asked me to help her organize a dress shop for Night to Shine. We collected donated formal/prom dresses and the girls at the school set up a shop where the ladies attending Night to Shine could come get a dress and jewelry for free. For most of them, it may be the only time they’d get to experience the “normal” experience of going to a dress shop and being waited on like that so we tried to make it special. 
We’ve had the cats for five years and visited the vet maybe four times in all those years. I called the vet three times this month alone. I’m bad enough about wondering if I’m overreacting when it comes to bringing AB to the doctor. I’m a million times worse when it comes to bringing a nonverbal animal to the vet. I know nothing about cats. I could bring them in for the human equivalent of a hangnail and be charged $200. Long and incredibly boring story short, I was told Lucy either has asthma or a hairball issue. As I said, I’m no vet but those seem quite different. I was given the option between an X-ray and steroid shot or a hairball cream from the pet store. I chose door number two for $17.50. I left with a stressed cat and a side of UTI antibiotics. Both cats are given that medication twice a day and it takes two of us to get the medicine in their mouths. We’re watching our friend’s kitten (who we’ve nicknamed Home Wrecker) this week and between the antibiotics and the forced living with Jack, Linus would choose door number one. He hates both options, but the 2lb fluff ball is the greater of two evils.
Dec 1, 2023 | Currently, School Days, What's going on |
Student of the month “for demonstrating honorable character.”
The L’s celebrated a birthday. They were less than thrilled. It seems they are not party animals.
This year’s 4th grade science fair experiment was about German candle carousels and thermal energy. 
Sesame will look out the window for an entire plane ride. The last few flights she chose
to take pictures out the window instead of watching a show or doing any of her several activities.
Houston for Thanksgiving. Lots and lots of card games around that table. 
It took months too long, but Fall finally showed up.
I found all three colored leaves in the backyard then took myself leaf-peeping.
Oct 27, 2023 | School Days, What's going on |
+ I’ve been subbing like crazy this school year.
Generally, I cap my subbing at 2nd grade, but the 3rd and 4th grade teacher caught me in a moment of weakness and I couldn’t say no. My “moment of weakness” on this particular day was we were meeting for the first time. I wanted to make a good impression and stay on her good side for the year, so I said yes then regretted it for the next three weeks. I like the little kids who ask questions like ”Do elephants eat bugs?” and read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom. I don’t like to dabble in the bigger kid world where I never know what kind of questions I’ll be asked. As I suspected, I should have asked what I’d be teaching before agreeing. When she texted me the information, she casually slipped in that I’d be teaching about the Trinity. There are entire church conferences and debates among great religious leaders about the workings of the Trinity and I, OF ALL PEOPLE, get tasked with teaching it. I suspect Karen purposely made her appointment three hours away on Trinity teaching day to avoid teaching it herself. I showed Christopher the chart I needed to fill out with the kids and said, “I have literally never seen this diagram before in my entire life.” He pulled up his sleeve and said, “I have a tattoo of it.” He does indeed and it’s in Latin to boot. I asked that he sub for the sub at Bible time but he didn’t take me up on it.
I’ve also subbed for 2nd and 1st grades several times. Three years ago when I subbed for the first time I brought a list of jokes to lighten the mood. There hasn’t been a time I’ve subbed since when I haven’t brought jokes. I’m on my third year teaching some of the kids and they’ll tell the new children what to expect when Miss Sarah with her pencil earrings comes rolling in. My reputation precedes me. One mom stopped me in the hallway and said, “Sadie was so excited you were teaching because she loves to come home with jokes to tell all week long.” I don’t know that I’ve ever been more proud of my legacy. Honestly, it’s almost gotten out of hand. They want to hear jokes all day and not do any of the work. Yesterday the teacher had joke time in the schedule. I might include this picture in my Christmas card.
+ Annabelle and Christopher went to a church retreat for 3rd-6th graders last month. I was not included as she wasn’t interested in both her parents attending as chaperones. Rude. I buy all her meals, take her to every single event and what do I get? Told that she doesn’t want me to snuggle on the bunk with her in front of her church friends. It was the first time in almost 10 years that I’d been home alone for the weekend. I seesawed between certainty that the bus would have a firey crash or she’d drown in the ocean, and wishing they’d be gone longer so I could get more done. I finished painting the living room without having to worry about anyone stepping in my paint bucket. I ordered Chinese food and watched Virgin River without Christopher’s commentary. The living room was a truly peaceful oasis to relax in with my dumplings after a long day of hard work.
The guard cats kept a close eye on the place at night. No shenanigans were going down on their watch. They were ready to take names and kick butts all weekend.
+ I helped with a medieval feast in Annabelle’s class last week. Gus’ mom said all the food she was bringing would be themed and I knew had to keep up with her. I had never met her, but I had to keep up with her! I almost bought tiny castle-shaped bundt pans and made 16 castle cakes surrounded by a chocolate mousse moat. I wasn’t signed up for a cheese dish, but I was going to use my crown cookie cutter to make cheese crowns. I was spiraling fast and needed to reel it in. I settled for the chocolate mousse and no castle cakes. Our feast book said lords and ladies ate pudding. They may not have eaten pudding made with Hershey’s cocoa and half and half, but I was in the general vicinity of authenticity. I did bring gold champagne flutes that really added to the ambiance. Gus’ mom made a fire-breathing dragon out of vegetables and beef jerky, as well as a medieval boat from a loaf of bread and thin pretzel sticks for oars. That’s the kind of party dedication I admire.
May 10, 2023 | What's going on |
Written April 27th but never published because evidently I don’t know how to push the right buttons.
It’s been a busy season for Annabelle Sesame Lee. Within the same week she was Eleanor of Austria for World Day at school, a five of hearts playing card and flower in the Alice In Wonderland play and we finally celebrated her birthday. I brought her to HobLob to get supplies to make Eleanor’s headpiece which she insisted she wanted to make herself, but she later asked me to do it. “I need some quiet time. My schedule is too busy right now.” Same, girl. Signed, your chauffeur, chef, maid, and hot glue gun operator. 
I’ve never been a fan of Alice In Wonderland and I wondered if seeing my favorite child perform in it might chance my mind about the story. It did not. I still dislike it just as much as ever. It’s so chaotic! But she was precious (says every parent even when their child plays a blade of grass) and I sat through all three shows. Her flower costume really tickled me. She wore a straw hat covered in flowers and a pink tutu. She hasn’t worn a tutu in 48 months much to my sorrow, but the second the director says to wear one, she’s all, “Mom! Don’t forget! We have to pack my tutu in my bag! We need all my costumes pieces!” Maybe Miss Vickie can also bring back bows as part of our daily life.
In final AB news, she had a very small birthday party this year. After much deliberation, she settled on wanting to bring two friends to the roller rink. It took a significant amount of coordination between us three moms to nail down the date and time only for the rink to permanently shut down three days before the party. Back to the drawing board we went. We picked a new location which meant a new time frame and working with a new development on the part of one of the guests. If she was having more kids I wouldn’t have tried so hard to work with everyones schedules, but she was only having two and I needed to make sure both were there. You know who ended up not being there? ME. Her mother. The amount of guilt I felt will never leave me. I was there for the birthday lunch, cake and presents but had to leave for work and couldn’t go to the river aquarium with them. I don’t care about the riverquarium, but the fact that I wasn’t there for every second of her party made me feel awful. There was no one to take my shift so I had to go. I’ll hold onto this until the day I die. She will forget by next week.
I may be late to the gift giving portion of our 12th anniversary on Saturday. I don’t have a gift for Christopher yet but it’s not for lack of looking. It’s partly for lack of looking but not entirely. I’ll tell myself I need to look into it then get distracted by the grocery list or the cats throwing up or improving my Tetris score. Someone decided that the traditional twelfth anniversary gift is linen or silk and you know what no man I know wants/needs? A linen or silk gift. Christopher doesn’t want a silk bathrobe and he certainly doesn’t lounge by our nonexistent pool sipping a watermelon daiquiri in a linen shirt. I asked AB what I should give and she giggled and said, “How ’bout some lennon underwear?” which really confused me. Three days ago she told her guitar teacher she didn’t know who John Lennon was and now she was saying I should get underwear with his face on it. Turns out she was mispronouncing linen. Elizabeth suggested I buy him a couple of Silkie chickens. 
Move over, linen and silk. John Lennon underwear and chickens are the new twelfth anniversary gifts.
Apr 5, 2023 | What's going on |
It’s only the fourth day of April, but I think I already peaked for the month.
I decided on a whim a few weeks ago to fill out a March Madness bracket. I know NOTHING about basketball. I don’t even like it. It’s too squeaky and the constant movement on the court feels very chaotic. I file my decision to do the bracket under “mindless tasks to keep your mind busy so you have less time to think about all your problems, but all your problems are still there and you can’t stop thinking about them so you’re still anxious.” What a relaxing place to live. While my bracket efforts did not take my mind off my worries, I’ll tell you what did take my mind off things for a while- winning the whole kit and caboodle on said bracket. I threw names down on that paper with no research or thought, but low and behold my predictions came true. I went from 16 teams down to the final winner.
Sadly, I did not enter my bracket into any sort of betting pool so I am none the richer, but I’ve told everyone about my success and am beyond tickled about the results. I’m going to ride this high for weeks. I didn’t go to the grocery store and the washing machine needs loading but so what? I won March Madness. Who cares that it has no impact on my real life.
In other, significantly less lucky news, I had a kidney stone last month. How’s that for a plot twist? Thinking it might be a negative side effect from medication, we drove all the way to Atlanta on a Sunday to be seen at the fertility clinic. The doctor on call told me, ”Maybe you’re gassy” which I assure you wasn’t the problem. I wouldn’t spend 6+ hours in the car in severe pain if that was it. We got home and I drove myself to our local emergency room. I had to explain to everyone that I was not gassy so please don’t tell me to take GasX; that won’t work. For the love of everything, give me some good drugs. The triage room was not close to the actual emergency room and the man who walked me and a small group of other patients over to it was evidently practicing for the Boston marathon. He walked us outside, down the ramp, and across the concrete with the speed of a gazelle being chased by a cheetah. I limped along like the cheetah’s already wounded prey. I never got a room, but instead sat in a row of chairs separated by curtains. For hours on end, I listened to several people come in for what I’m sure were important issues to them, but seemed minor enough that my extensive WebMD knowledge helped me solve most of their issues. Several hours and three prescriptions later, I had the diagnosis of a large kidney stone. I went to the urologist later that week. The only other females (wearing shirts that said “urine good hands”) were the nurses. It was me and eight old men in the waiting room. What a humbling experience.
Speaking of all things medical, I binged all four seasons of New Amsterdam on Netflix in an embarrassing/impressive amount of time. A medical drama will reel me in hook, line and sinker. I don’t care how unrealistic it might be. Give me several good-looking doctors, a tragedy and I’m there with my blanket and bowl of chips. It took until the middle of season four for me to get grossed out and look away. I like to think I’ll be a brain surgeon in my next career so a little blood and organs seen on a screen don’t bother me. I am very upset about a big breakup at the end of the last episode but I’m predicting big things for my favorite characters.
After all, I did correctly predict the March Madness winner. I’m basically a prophet at this point.
Mar 2, 2023 | Sports & leisure, What's going on |
Last Friday, Annabelle and I took a trip to SeaWorld with church. Twenty-three children from the 3rd-5th grade Sunday school classes, four parent chaperones and one saintly children’s director boarded a charter bus and headed south.
The director gave a little speech before we left about behavior expectations, and she mentioned how while there was a bathroom on the bus, it didn’t need to be used all the time. I love her and she’s great with kids, but that statement was throwing pearls before swine. Every single child visited the bathroom at least once, if not three times. None of them could resist the urge to use a small bathroom on wheels while going 72mph. I know that each child went to the bathroom several times because they all asked me for permission to go. I was sitting closest to the children by a mere 8 inches. The next chaperone was less than one literal footstep away, but I was the first point of contact and was therefore the one who got asked every single question. Every time they needed something from the overhead compartment, asked to go to the bathroom, had a question about snacks, needed help with their charger, asked about the bathroom, wanted to know how much longer before we got there, was there anyone in the bathroom, etc etc etc, they asked me. I didn’t know I would be doubling as a flight attendant when I signed up to go. My friend and fellow chaperone was hunkered down in the front seat with her book and thanks to my hard work, she got through 175 pages without one disruption.
I’ll tell you what else I didn’t know when I signed up- the sleep hours or lack thereof. I wasn’t expecting a spa environment, but I also wasn’t expecting to be told by the SeaWorld workers that they’d be waking us up at 6am to start the day. That was conveniently left out of all Caren’s planning emails.
We got there right before SeaWorld closed for the day. Two workers were assigned to our girls group for the night and they gave us a private tour of the park. The boys group slept by the beluga whales and we slept by the dolphins. The whole time I thought about how when I was younger I wanted to be a dolphin trainer thanks to Lisa Frank. My younger self would not have believed my good luck in spending a night with the dolphins. They never stopped swimming and with the exhibit dark but the tank lit up, it was extremely relaxing. I loved it. 
We weren’t allowed to go up to the bathroom alone while the park was closed, so the employees had to accompany 18 girls and all our accouterments up the walkway to the bathroom to change. We left a little trail of socks and underwear in our wake. Some of the girls were organized. My child dropped her shirt in the toilet and left her pajamas on the counter of the public bathroom. That’s why she didn’t go on this trip without me.
On Saturday, we split up according to who wanted to do what and our group was the low key group. Shocker shocker, AB was in the low-key group. We went on a few rides, but mostly we enjoyed the animals. My fellow chaperone, Sarah Beth, and I had those girls in line. Everyone had a buddy and we were constantly counting heads. One adult was in the back of the group and one in the front. No one would get lost one our watch!We had eight girls in the morning and eight girls several hours later when we joined up with one of the other groups.
No one did get lost on our watch, but someone got lost mere minutes after we joined up with the boys and that someone was my Annabelle. My little ball of anxiety and worry, lost in a crowd. I’m not going to assign blame but if I was, I’d point your attention to the third chaperone who took over as our leader. He booked it into the crowd walking so fast there was no way to keep the children together. The system Sarah Beth and I had perfected with our girls went out the window and into the sea turtle tank. Somehow in the shuffle, Sesame ended up ahead of the group. I went back to look, the dad went ahead and Sarah Beth stayed with a gaggle of children all giving advice on what to do. Thank the Lord, Annabelle was not alone. She was with her buddy and together they found a janitor and were borrowing his phone to call me when they saw the rest of our group. I have never been so thankful I drilled my phone number into her head for such a time as this. I didn’t tell Christopher about the small mishap until we got home. “BTW, I did lose your one and only offspring, but here she is safe and sound!”
(God was in a crazy mood when He designed the stingray face.)
I went to SeaWorld when I was around 15 and have told Annabelle stories about the orca show and beluga whales for years. I love getting to bring her to the same experiences I had.
We returned home with all 23 children, four parents, one saintly children’s director, several new stuffed animals from the gift shop and the free souvenir of having lost a child.
