Oct 29, 2015 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
By about 7:00 Monday evening I kept thinking to myself, “This has been A Week.”
Sunday afternoon I was feeling footloose and fancy free as I headed out to the mall for some mama time. My stomach started to hurt right as I pulled in but I pressed on. I was only there for 30 minutes but had to sit down three times, the pain was so bad. I would have laid down but I didn’t want to cause a public spectacle. I considered finding a security guard who would drive me back to my car in a golf cart so I wouldn’t have to walk. I limped my way to the car, made it home and dragged myself to bed where I curled up with a heating pad and diagnosed myself with appendicitis or some sort of cancer. All my time on WebMD has proved to be very helpful. The pain wasn’t as bad on Monday but I went to the emergency room just in case.
Due to confusing signs I had to park down the street from the hospital and walk what felt like 5 miles to get to the er. Once there I found myself in a room full of the city’s finest hoodlums, including but not limited to a boy whose pants were hanging so low he would have been better off not wearing any at all. A nurse brought a patient’s specimens out to the waiting room to give to the patient’s mother and mixed in with the girl’s stuff was another patient’s vial of blood. What a fine establishment. The nurse finally called my name and told me to walk myself down to room 17. Never in my life have I been pointed in the direction of an er room and told to let myself in. THERE WAS ALREADY SOMEONE IN ROOM 17. The mother and I had the worlds most awkward staring contest while I tried to mutter something about how she should BLAME JEN THE NURSE for the position we were in. I finally got my own room and sat there for an hour and a half waiting for someone to remember me. I couldn’t find the remote for the tv and I didn’t feel like reading my book so I had nothing to do but curl up and bemoan the state of my stomach. I felt like I hadn’t eaten in years so I asked a random medical student doing paperwork outside my door if I could eat something. The answer was no. #DrHopeCrusher. I started daydreaming about food. I wanted nothing more than a large pepperoni pizza. I read the word sushi and suddenly I was craving all the sushi in the country. I’m not even a big sushi person but it was all I could think about.
Finally a nurse came in the room and hooked me up to an iv. I hate getting blood work/iv’s with a passion. My veins are too small and it’s such an ordeal getting the needle in. I kept saying “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry” while the nurse poked and yanked at my arm. Why was I apologizing? She was the one causing the hurt. She should be on her knees begging forgiveness. She gave me some pain medicine, turned on the tv so I could watch hgTV and things started looking up. Christopher and Annabelle came by to visit and AB completely disregarded any instructions I gave her about not sitting on my stomach.
I had a ct scan and as these things go, we had to wait a while for the results. Finally a PA came in and said my appendix looked fine, but it might a hernia or I might be constipated or maybe I just have a stomach ache. I was so hungry/exhausted/frustrated I almost cried. I was so annoyed that I had spent a day and a half of my life in pain only to be told I needed to go home and use the bathroom. I wanted to throw the iv fluid bag at her. They didn’t even give me pain medicine to take home. I walked back to the car is such a huff about the whole situation that I’m surprised my head didn’t explode. Now that I think about it, had my head exploded maybe I would have gotten better service. I went to Walgreens for a prescription and of course the pharmacist was young and handsome and I was BEYOND mortified that we were discussing my bathroom habits.
Short story unnecessarily long, I went to my regular doctor yesterday and she’s sending me for an ultrasound. Today I had to call her office to get the information about where to go for the ultrasound. I should have gotten the info yesterday but Sesame was so excited about the fish and frogs in the tank and the dancing Snoopy dressed like a pumpkin that I got distracted and walked right out of the office without getting the paperwork.
I may still have my appendix but I’ve lost my brain.
Oct 18, 2015 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
Lately I’ve been into watching vlogs on Youtube. I found one done by a British girl and she’s inspired me to spice up my vocabulary with a few British terms. The other day I told Annabelle we needed to “pop over to the shop round the corner”. She hasn’t picked up on any of my new phrases yet but I’m sure she’ll give it a go soon. She likes to shake my hand and say “Pleased to meet you!” so I’m patting myself on the back for already raising such a proper child.
The shop round the corner in question was Home Depot. I favor Lowes over Home Depot because I like blue better than orange, but I don’t know where Lowes is so I am forced to suffer through the sea of orange aprons. Last time I was there I noticed a sign attached to a pole that read total snowfall last year with an arrow pointing down. The pole was stuck in a bucket with cotton piled around the top to look like snow. As I walked I rolled my eyes because the “snow” barely came up to my knee. So much for this being Snowfall Central. I walked by it again on this most recent visit and literally stopped in my tracks when I realized I had misread the sign. The arrow was not pointing to the fake snow. It was pointing to a line at that top of the pole that said 129.3”. That’s ONE HUNDRED TWENTY NINE POINT THREE INCHES, people. It was a difference of more than nine feet.
Good thing I like snow.
I’m sure you all remember the tiny horse I saw in our neighbor’s yard when I was pregnant. Much to my sorrow, I later discovered that it was only a dog. Well. You WILL NOT BELIEVE what I saw in our neighbor’s yard on the way home from Home Depot. A BOAR. A black boar just hanging out eating grass while a little Chihuahua followed along behind. Lest you think we moved to the African desert- WE DIDN’T. We barely even live in the country. I don’t even know what to think. Every time I’ve driven by since I’ve had my camera ready but the boar hasn’t been out. I will risk taking my child for a walk on a busy road for photographic evidence. If they didn’t live down the road a few houses you’d better believe I’d set up a boar watching station in my kitchen. AB can get her own cheerios and milk. Mama’s busy watching the neighbors.
Oct 7, 2015 | Sesame, Uncategorized, What's going on |
Two doors down from our house is a bar. A few weeks ago they put out a sign announcing they’d be having a “family friendly” Fall festival over the weekend. I wondered what family friendly event could happen at a bar. Apple juice shots, maybe? Christopher went over to investigate but he reported there wasn’t much going on so it wasn’t worth us walking ALL THE WAY over there. That night we heard music blaring into all hours of the evening. We assumed things were in full party mode over at the Fall festival. The next night the music started up again. Christopher happened to be out in the backyard at the same time our neighbor Sue was building a fire in her fire pit. He said hi but she didn’t respond as she was high as a kite. Turns out the music was courtesy of Sue’s personal Fall festival complete with a 1990’s cd player and assorted things to smoke.
In case you’re wondering, Sue looks like this. Add fifteen years, change the hood to green and it’s 100% Sue.
Speaking of what people look like, the boy who cuts our grass looks EXACTLY like Jojo from Horton Hears a Who. He has shaggy black hair, the longest arms and has worn stripped black pants every time I see him.
The cast of characters around here is fascinating.
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Lately I’ve been teaching Sesame state names. It’s more out of a desire to hear her say some new words than a desire to raise the 2020 World Geography Competition winner. Yesterday we had the following conversations:
Me: What do you want for lunch?
AB: Massa-CHOO-ses.
Me: Do you want more or are you all done?
AB: Massa-CHOO-ses! Massa-CHOO-ses!
Me: Go get a book for me to read you.
AB: Massa-CHOO-ses!
Whatever the question, Massachusetts is her the answer.
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Today was the first day of my first annual Fall Fashion Fiesta with my favorite first child.
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| “I am so bored. I will gaze up at the sky and hope for an airplane to appear.” |
Stay tuned for future installments as we make our way through her wardrobe. It’s sure to be fascinating.
Sep 29, 2015 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
The weekend started off with me breaking our bed. All I wanted to do was rest while Sesame took her nap but when I laid down, I heard a crack and the bottom half of the bed fell down. Needless to say I didn’t get my nap.
Saturday morning I went to the dentist. There was an issue with the insurance since the receptionist wasn’t accustomed to dealing with Tricare but I patted myself on the back for handling it with such smoothness and expertise. I hate dealing with insurance and that was the second time in two weeks I handled insurance issues like an adult so clearly I deserve a medal of some sort. Or maybe I need to accept that fact that dealing with insurance is what adults do and I shouldn’t be so proud of myself. Just as I was getting situated in the EXTREMELY QUIET waiting room the receptionist called me to the desk. I forgot my keys were on my lap and they crashed down onto the tile floor. Everyone looked at me. I answered the receptionist’s question and sat down only for her to call me up again. AGAIN I forgot about the keys on my lap and AGAIN everyone looked at me. I jammed the key ring down on my fingers so it wouldn’t happen a third time. Finally the hygienist called my name and when I stood up, the chair stuck to the back of my legs and it lifted off the floor then smashed against the wall. I could not leave the waiting room fast enough.
The dentist had large movie posters hanging around his office. This was the picture I came face to face with when sitting in the chair. What a relaxing place.
Last weekend was National Alpaca Weekend (who decides these things?) and we took AB to a local farm to see the animals. I spent all day thinking of puns like “Alpaca the diaper bag so we can go to the farm” and “Alpaca some snacks for the road”. I crack myself up.
Aug 27, 2015 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
I forgot how much moving makes me want to organize and deep cleaning. The other day I organized and categorized all Annabelle’s toys. Each category went in its own ziplock bag which went into the toy trunks. I all but color coded everything. I want to power wash the outside of the house. I want to deep clean my car. It’s like all the nesting I never did when I was pregnant is making an appearance now.
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When Joanna was here she taught AB the chorus to the Justin Bieber song Baby. Almost every day AB walks around the house saying, “Oh, baby. Oh, baby baby. Oh!” Joanna must have also shown her the music video because yesterday AB kept pointing to the computer saying, “Baby oh! Baby oh!” Against my better judgment I caved and we watched it. I had never listened to the lyrics closely and one line in particular stood out. “My first love, broke my heart for the first time.” The kid looks like he’s all of five years old. What first love could he possibly be saying broke his heart? Did his mom take away his pacifier? Did he find out the Tooth Fairy is imaginary? Not much else would break your heart when you’re that young.
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We’ve turned into quite the playground goers this summer. We spend our weeks hopping from playground to playground like the wild girls that we are.
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Today we went to the medical records office to fill out a couple forms. A woman from the office called me a few hours later to confirm something. She totally threw me off when she said her name is Mona. This morning I was watching the Friends episode where Ross dates a girl named Mona. Now Mona was on the phone with me. Sometimes the line between reality and fiction gets a little blurred.
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LOOK WHO HAD HER FIRST PONYTAIL. She has a little section of hair in the back of her head just long enough for a ponytail. The rest of it is too short or curls out on the sides. I thought Bald Baby was precious but I’m loving her new hair. In about three years we’ll be battling the cowlick smack dab above her forehead so I’m enjoying these easy hair times.
I think to celebrate this momentous day by eating a Klondike bar while I order more bows. It seems like the best thing to do.
Aug 24, 2015 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
Watching: Minnie Mouse Bowtique. Note to the makers of Minnie Mouse Bowtique- feel
free to come out with new episodes any day now. We’ve seen the same 14 episodes 1570 times. We introduced AB to Winnie the Pooh and it’s been delightful. I forgot how much I love that movie. We started watching Mary Poppins, one of my favorite movies of all time. It’s so much fun introducing her to movies I watched when I was young. We also occasionally watch Friends. Occasionally meaning days that end in Y.
Listening: to Dick Van Dyke’s autobiography. He narrates it and I’ll tell you what. If I could get his voice on my GPS I’d be happy to get lost and hear him say “recalculating”.
Laughing: at the way Sesame talks. The other day I opened the car door to get her out and she said, “Hi, goosey goose!” I was concerned I would give birth to a bump on a log but I don’t think that’s an issue.
Going: to the pool every chance we get.
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| Long live the maternity bathsuit. |
Resolving: to name my next child Boston or, to really get the point across, maybe even North, al la the Kardashian/West’s. Our new landlord made a comment about how Annabelle Lee is a perfect southern belle name. That was not my intention. It was a concern I voiced during the Name Debate of 2014 hence why I voted for the name Katherine, but Christopher kept saying no one would think that. Oh really? Every single time I go home to MA people say it. I’m going to be in charge of naming our children from now on.
Making: Baby Belle a bed out of a Pampers box. Nothing but the best for my grandchildren!
Washing: Annabelle’s car seat cover. Again. We were almost at church tonight when she threw up all over herself and everything within a twelve inch radius. Why do kids randomly throw up all the time? I lost her user manual so any advice would be appreciated.
Cleaning up: Five hundred qtips off the bathroom floor.
The fun never ends!
