Feb 5, 2013 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
My weekend started off with a bang (which really is a TERRIBLE choice of words considering what I’m about to say) Thursday night when someone in our apartment complex was shot with a gun. I thought the gun part would be obvious, but when I was telling the story to Erika she said, “YOU MEAN SHOT WITH A GUN?!” I suppose it’s possible it could have been a crossbow, but it wasn’t.
I had
zero desire to spend the rest of the night at home alone after that, so I tossed a few things in a bag and prepared for a midnight escape to
Hotel de Jenn. After I packed my bag I made the bed. Obviously it was not important for me to do that and I have no explanation for why I did except that I recall saying to myself, “I have to make sure the bed is neat in case the shooter comes in here.” Because the most important thing to do when your life is in danger is ensure that people are impressed with your housekeeping skills. I’m surprised I didn’t spend a few minutes cleaning the inside of the microwave.
The owner/operator/housekeeper at Hotel de Jenn is extremely generous and said I could stay as long as I want. Personally I think she was glad someone else was around to watch Sam’s trash truck movie with him and pretend it was the most fascinating thing we’d ever seen.
Molly spends a good deal of her life alternating between trying to eat Sam’s food and crying to be picked up asking in a quiet and lady like voice to be held. In this picture she’s wondering why Sam got to try coffee and she didn’t.
“Surely Mom isn’t worried about coffee stunting my growth.”
Without really meaning to, Jenn and I turned the second night of my stay into a wild party night. And by wild party night I mean we sat on the couch talking and consuming an impressive amount of chocolate and Jelly Bellies. I had the best time with her. I’m pretty sure it was one of the only times Jenn has voluntarily stayed up that late since she’d had children.
It has yet to be confirmed, but in a fit of unusual silliness (Serious and Dignified are our middle names) it’s possible that we may have begun filming a vlog.
And now that I’ve put the vlog secret out there I guess that means we’ll have to finish it.
Jan 30, 2013 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
Today I had an appointment with a new doctor. It was the second time in one week that I have meet a new doctor which, considering I’m not a fan of meeting new doctors, falls under the THAT’S A LOT OF NEW DOCTORS category.
I’ll put you at ease right now by saying I have no intentions of telling you my entire medical history.
I should have known I was in for a long appointment when the nurse hooked me up to the blood pressure machine and oxygen monitor and suddenly every single light and beeper on the machine started going off. The nurse turned around and said, “You’re blood pressure is pretty high.” Yours probably would be too if you were hooked up to a machine that made it sound like you were about to explode. Last week I almost drive off a bridge and this week I almost explode.
The nurse brought me into the exam room and started typing information into the computer. She sat there making a variety of odd noises before announcing that my condition was not listed in the computer system and she wasn’t sure what to do. My “condition”? Let’s not make it sound like I have an extra arm growing out of my chest. Suddenly it occurred to me that maybe I was at the wrong office. So I said, “Am I at the wrong office? I thought this was the was the office that deals with my ‘condition’.” The portion of me that houses my pride was relieved to hear that I was at the correct office. The new computer system was not up to par which made me wonder why they were using it to diagnose me and my condition.
The doctor decided to send me up to the second floor for blood work. Once up there I got lost. It was not a large floor. So that was slightly embarrassing.
I told the lab worker that people usually have trouble drawing blood so it would be best if she used a butterfly needle. She pushed my sleeve up and very matter of factly announced, “I can see why they have such a hard time! This is going to be difficult!” Such a reassuring woman.
I found my way off the second floor without problem and was in the car driving away when the nurse called me. The doctor needed another blood test. Rather than drive 45 minutes just for a blood test another day, I turned around and drove to the other lab at the hospital. I was sitting in the waiting room when Nurse Lisa came out and apologized profusely, saying there was a problem with which test needed to be done (of course there was!) and did I mind waiting? Until after lunch? It was 12:15. Could I wait until 1? She was so sorry. So very sorry. The doctor wasn’t sure about something. (Based on a conversation I heard between the doctor and the nurse, I could have told Lisa that.) She didn’t mind bringing me a cafeteria menu in case I was hungry. Or some coffee? It’s free!
So there I sat. And sat. And then what to my bored eyes should behold but a criminal walking towards me escorted by two policemen! Things suddenly got very exciting. I secretly wanted them to sit next to me so I could get the scoop of the criminal. Unfortunately they waltzed (or stumbled, as the case may be) right in for his blood test so I wasn’t able to find out anything more than he had obviously spent a very long time with some very large bottles of alcohol. Eventually the doctor and the lab lady were on the same page because my turn came as the criminal was hauled out. The nurse told me she didn’t want to me have to “deal with” being in the same room as the criminal but I wish I could have been in there. Imagine the blog material!
I wish I could say I exited the hospital in a graceful and ladylike fashion but I can’t. I bumped into a ‘wet floor’ sign.
Perhaps my condition is the inability to see large yellow signs when they’re smack-dab in front of me.
Jan 26, 2013 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
I almost died today. What’s more, I almost took one of my favorite people with me.
How’s that for a fun way to start this post off?
I woke up at the crack of dark o’thirty this morning to drive Jenn to the airport. She left to visit her peeps in wine country and didn’t offer to take me, but I’m trying not to feel offended. She does see me multiple times a week and who can say no when someone invites you to the west coast in the middle of January? Because despite what I firmly believed, temperatures in the south do indeed drop to freezing. When I went out to warm up the car, I found the whole parking lot and all the cars covered in a sheet of ice.
Those last two sentences are very important to the following story.
Barely ten minutes after leaving my house we were drinking our Dunkin Donuts and just getting to the good conversation topics when WOOOOSH. We hit a terrible ice patch. We started sliding back and forth across all the lanes of the highway. It was so scary. What made it worse was we were ON A BRIDGE. If I could capitalize capital letters I would. How about this— WE WERE ON A BRIDGE. Driving off a bridge is one of my very worst nightmares.
Being from New England I pride myself in the ability to handle moderate to severe winter driving conditions, but in such a moment of panic all I could do was think “DON’T LET JENN DIE! HER HUSBAND WILL HATE YOU! DON’T LET JENN DIE! SHE HAS TWO BABIES WHO NEED HER! DON’T LET HER DIE!”
In case it is not evident, we both survived. Naturally the furthest thing on our minds was grabbing the camera to photograph what was possibly our last moments here on earth, so I created this illustration.
Please ignore the glaring errors. The sky wasn’t orange, we weren’t driving in an old fashioned yellow truck, and the bridge was at least 28 stories higher.
Jenn’s flight must have seemed nothing but a pure delight after that little ordeal.
Dec 11, 2012 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
I feel like it was just the other day that I did one of these “A day in my highly exciting life as told through pictures”, yet here I am doing it again. The
cool kids are all doing it so I decided to join in. Translation: I broke under the peer pressure. Unlike previous posts, all pictures were taken with my phone which explains the sometimes
superb subpar quality.
9:00~ Putting on my face for the day. (
Laura introduced me to Bare Minerals and I love it. Christopher probably loves what it does too.)
10:00~ Attending Sunday school in my kaleidoscope/psychedelic dress.
11:00~ Waiting for church to begin. My friend (he is not yet aware we are friends) Ken the Commander wasn’t there. This is only noteworthy to me and probably Ken’s wife. (No one needs to remind me that I am married. I am merely very interested in Ken’s life because he’s commander of a large group of soldiers and I have a GREAT and very well documented fascination with such people.)
12:22~ Contrary to what the clock says, it was 12:22 when we left church, not 7:22. The clock always says the wrong time and we don’t know how to fix it. We have to add 5 to the hour whenever we want to know the time. We’ve spent some precious moments of our life trying to figure out the time.
1:00~ We stopped at the mall on the way home and I found the perfect gift for that special man in your life.
2:00~ We bought some German cashews before we left the mall. They are so tasty. (For the record, I don’t believe the cashews themselves are German. I think it’s probably the special seasoning that’s German. I hate when I feel the need to clarify what doesn’t need to be clarified.)
3:00~ I bought a package of festive red napkins for 90% off at Hobby Lobby. We quickly discovered they are not absorbant in the least, so we have to turn them inside out in order for them to work. I’d be willing to bet that’s why they were 90% off.
4:25~ I laid down for a “quick” nap. It was delightful.
5:00~ Watched a video about
a man who keeps people from jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge. I’m all about saving lives, but that job would stress me out.
6:00~ My father in law came by for supper and we took him out to an Indian restaurant. I didn’t order the angara because I enjoy eating for pleasure, not pain.
7:00~ Gingerbread house decorating.
Jenn bought one at Target during our trip there last week so I bought one too. Again with the peer pressure.
8:00~ Snuggles on the couch in front of the Christmas tree.
I hope your Sunday was full of happiness and lacking in the refolding of paper napkins.
Oct 26, 2012 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
Or at least she’ll go pumpkin patching. (She might also eat a block of cheddar cheese and possibly make it a personal goal to watch seasons 5-9 of The Office in one week.)
When
Jenn asked if I wanted to go to the pumpkin patch with them, it took me all of 3.2 seconds to respond with an enthusiastic, “letmethinkaboutit YES!” (The auto correct on my phone tried to change ‘letmethinkaboutit’ to ‘perms turnabout’.) Beyond the obvious appeal of pumpkin patching with some favorite peeps, another visit with Jenn would mean we’d have more time to discuss our favorite topics- blogs, chocolate, Pinterest, and bloggers we don’t know but wish we did/are glad we don’t. Then we usually talk about blogs a little more just for good measure. We’ve seen each other four times this week and we talked about those every single time. Frankly I don’t see any change on the horizon.
WARNING- picture overload ahead.
The pumpkin patch was way out in the middle of nowhere. Out in the boondocks. The sticks. We may have driven all the way to the west coast. I do know one thing for certain- we yelled “LOOK SAM! IS THAT A HELICOPTER?” every two minutes for an hour. I think one time I pointed out a helicopter that was actually a bird. I never was good with aircraft. Our lengthy expedition (which may or may not have included Jenn using a police turn around on the highway) was not in vain because look what Sammy found when we got there!
I LOVE Molly. Is she not the cutest baby ever?!
We spent a significant portion of our visit looking at the goats and two pigs that were (no exaggeration) as big as refrigerators. Eventually we boarded an ancient ANCIENT truck and took a hay ride to the corn maze and pumpkin patch.
You’ll notice Sam’s look of concern. He was worried, as we all were, that we’d either be flung to the floor when the truck came to a screeching halt or that it was going to die. Both were valid concerns.
This is the point where I should insert some witty saying about how a corn maze is like life because we are presented with different paths along the way, but I can’t think of any.
Thanks to our fearless leader we navigated through the maze and arrived back at the truck in one piece. Samster did trip over invisible rocks an unusual number of times, but he didn’t break any bones so I call that a success.
Look at little Sammy’s face! I just informed him that he has the distinct privilege of being my littlest boyfriend and he was obviously delighted.
Looks like a pear on steroids.
“I don’t know why you people are so enthusiastic about pumpkins and old tractors. I much prefer chewing on Mother’s keys.”
“Actually, I could be doing this in the comfort of my own home. If we were at home, you two ladies wouldn’t have to keep lifting my stroller in and out of the truck. Perhaps you should work on your arm muscles. The lifting appears to be a strain.”
“WHAT IS MOTHER DOING NOW? Is she…no…she can’t be…WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE SHE’S STEALING PUMPKINS? I am so embarrassed. I hope no one knows we’re related.”
Much to Molly’s great delight, her pumpkin-stealing mother (I promise she did pay) tried taking her picture near the sunflowers. At least I think that’s what was happening on the other side of the sunflower patch. I couldn’t see them but I heard crying and someone saying, “Moooooolly! Look over heeeeeere.” so I imagine it was a photo session.
I was busy helping Sam get up and down from the tractor seat approximately 12 times. He couldn’t decide if he liked it the first time so he had to try it out 11 more times.
And so ended the The Great Pumpkin Patch Expedition of 2012. I’d be happy to do it again tomorrow, but especially happy if I knew there would be some snacks involved. Sam ate the last oriental rice cracker thing and we were down to our last cough drops and sticks of gum.
Hop over and read
Jenn’s account of our day. It involves a highly flattering photo of me watching a goat eat Sam’s hand.
Oct 23, 2012 | Uncategorized, What's going on |
I wish I could say I spent the weekend showcasing to
the world my brilliance and wit.
But I can’t.
Instead, I stood in our laundry room/pantry on
Friday morning having a conversation with myself about the empty bottle of
laundry detergent. I looked inside the bottle and thought to myself, “I wonder
if the washing machine will be ok if I swish water around in this bottle to get
out the last remaining bit of detergent then pour it in the machine. Will water ruin a washing machine?”
I mean really.
It’s a washing machine, for Pete’s sake. OF COURSE
it’s ok if water is in it. I’d even go so far as to say water is a necessary
part of a washing machine working properly. As soon as the words crossed my
brain I vowed no one would hear about my momentary lack of intelligence, but
here I am, telling the whole world. In my own defense, I was just trying to do
doing everything possible to avoid flooding the house for the second time in one
month.
In other news, on Saturday I finished knitting a bear
hat for a baby. Obviously my Army bear is not the intended wearer, but he was
the only model I had around. (After all, it’s not like a bear needs to wear a hat
that looks like a bear.)
Something very tragic happened on Sunday. We were sitting in the church parking lot before Sunday school and I opened the visor mirror so I could apply my lip gloss. I leaned forward and SAW A GRAY HAIR. It wasn’t the whole strand of hair, just about an inch and a half long, BUT IT WAS GRAY. That make me forgot all about my lips because GRAY TODAY MEANS WHITE TOMORROW AND PERHAPS IT’S TIME TO START DYING MY HAIR OR BUYING WIGS. All Christopher did during this time was read about how the world is collapsing (aka the news) on his phone (heartless because clearly his wife’s world was collapsing around her ears) and suggest that I didn’t pull out all my grays because then I’d be bald. He didn’t even have a black marker on him so I could color that hair. You can imagine how much attention I paid to the Sunday school lesson.
By the time we arrived at the park for our picnic date, I was somewhat calmer.
The gray hair isn’t even visible in this picture. My ridiculously long arm is visible in three lenses but at this point I should probably pick my battles carefully.
