stayed tuned for my review of the new Star Wars movie

Last night, in a GREAT ACT of love and dedication to my marriage, I went with Christopher to see the new James Bond movie. This is the third year in a row we’ve gone to see a JB movie in the theater so I’ve learned how to make the movie viewing experience pleasant for both of us. Namely, I read the plot on wikipedia beforehand and set my expectations for enjoying/understanding the movie VERY LOW. I saw the two hours twenty-eight minutes in a dark theater as the perfect opportunity to catch up on some sleep.

I have previously gone into great detail about my feelings (ie. confusion, annoyance, major eye rolling etc etc etc) about this series so I won’t hash them out again, so it came as a huge surprise that this movie slightly surpassed my (again, very low) expectations. I won’t be requesting to watch it again for another thirteen years, but I didn’t get so bored I started counting popcorn kernels. That’s just the rave review the director was hoping to get!

Naturally I have some things to say about the film:

+ It was as unrealistic as ever. James flew an airplane with both wings broken through the woods, crashed through a building, landed in a snowbank and walked out as if nothing had even happened. He didn’t have a button loose or so much as a single hair out of place. Two days ago I walked the 25 feet between my car and the front door and it was so windy I literally couldn’t see, I had so much hair in my face. My shirt blew up and my stomach was hanging out. And yet there are no wardrobe malfunctions when your plane is on fire?
+ Speaking of his wardrobe, JB has an exceptional tailor. His shirts never wrinkle. His clothes fit impeccably and somehow they never rip. You’d think wearing such tight pants would be an issue when running across a roof and jumping over a chimney but apparently not. I’m sure I’d have rips everywhere. Maybe he wears the suit version of jeggings? Suitings?
+ He’s slept with approximately 47 women. How is he not a father yet? How is he still healthy?
+ Jimmy B is obviously getting old but he can still run like nobody’s business. The last time I ran was when the mail I was putting in the mailbox blew out of my hand and I had to chase it down the road. Running is overrated. Blogging >jogging.
+ Finally, Mr. Bond is not the most expressive of men. I made a chart to help you understand his emotions.

I hope that clears things up.

vote for me and you’ll get a sparkly pink sticker

Over the weekend we drove to Atlanta to visit Christopher’s grandmother. After the Columbus car break in and the tour of Texas hospitals last month I was expecting the worst to happen on this trip. Forget about low expectations, I set my expectations at zero. I fully prepared myself for the car to catch on fire or someone’s appendix to burst. I believe the word you’re looking for is optimistic.

Thankfully we enjoyed a three day visit with very little crying and no sickness. Annabelle and Great Gran were thick as thieves by the time we left. We went swimming, visited C’s aunt and uncle, and ate at Ihop where AB licked the remaining drops out of all the empty half and half containers. We’ve been making our child’s vacation dreams a reality since 2014.

We did have one problem. More of a disagreement than a problem, really. Christopher and I have an on-going disagreement about the appropriateness/legality of stopping at a hotel to use their lobby restroom instead of using the restrooms at a rest stop. One of us says it’s wrong because we’re not paying customers, the other says it’s perfectly fine because A) there are no signs forbidding it and B) the paying customers have their own restrooms.

Please help us resolve this issue. The peace of our next car trip may depend on you. No pressure!

(Please don’t let Christopher win this one. He still brings up how he won the best ways to defrost raw chicken poll a few years ago.)

I can’t think of a more creative title than “We went to Texas and all got sick”

We just returned from an eight day trip to visit Christopher’s family in Texas. It didn’t go exactly as planned. Allow me to (briefly) elaborate on the first six days.

* Annabelle had the worlds worst blowout as we were pulling into the airport. Never had she ever done such a thing. Christopher stripped her down in the parking lot while I attempted to clean her car seat, gagging the entire time.
* She choose sitting on my lap on the plane as the perfect opportunity for her first time to throw up all over herself, the seat, and me. I walked through the airport smelling like a garbage heap and not looking much better. I had no pride left.
* She had two more blowouts on the way to the hotel.
* Vomit City, USA
* Christopher and I were hit with the same cursed virus.
* She lay on the hotel bed calling for her Memere and saying “tummy, tummy” over and over.
* We visited four (count them- 1,2,3,4) urgent care centers/er’s because she kept getting sick, having blowouts, burning with fever and barely eating or drinking. I was so worried she was dehydrated. On the way to the last hospital I told Christopher that I wouldn’t leave until they gave her an iv. The doctor refused and the only thing that kept me from hurling the stool at him was that I was holding the sick baby. Five days later and I’m still so mad at him.

All I wanted to do was curl up and take a 72 hour nap.

But it certainly wasn’t all poop and puke. We went swimming and to the playground with the cousins and to a candy store Christopher visited when he was little. We spent a few hours at the beach.

Annabelle’s grandmother and aunt had a little Hawaiian birthday party for her. She was somewhat of a stick in the mud the whole time but I thought it was the sweetest.

Our fourth anniversary was on Wednesday. The traditional four year gift is fruits and flowers we thought it appropriate to visit a botanical garden (which turned out to be a rainforest as hot as the surface of the sun) and aquarium. We were childless and carefree, just like back in the olden days of early 2014.

We returned home on Thursday without anyone throwing up on the plane or messing up their car seat. Miracles still happen!

this did not start off as a review of our screen time

Back in ye olden days of 2010 when I was 10elbees lighter and didn’t have gray hair.

We went on a date today! Currently Blogless Stephanie watched the baby so we could go see the One Hundred Feet Journey. Unlike some movie dates in the past, we both understood everything that happened. Our movie viewing history has had some highs and lows.

When we saw a Jason Bourne movie a few years I was so lost I eventually started counting how many pieces of popcorn I ate to entertain myself. The movie didn’t even have Jason Bourne in it. It was all about some dude named Aaron Cross so why they didn’t name it the Aaron Cross Legacy is beyond me.

About to attend our first ball together.
Look at that face. Christopher could hardly contain his excitement!

The last James Bond movie came out a few years ago on Christopher’s birthday. In preparation for it’s debut we watched the previous JB movies. Again, the confusion was real. After the first one I had to read the wikipedia page to understand most of what was happening. Thanks to wikipedia, when we watched the last one I was bursting with pride that I knew what was about to happen before Christopher did. He didn’t want to know so I had no one to share my joy with. The level of unrealistic things that go on in those movies are unbelievable. Listen. If you fall hundreds of feet off a moving train after being shot, you’re dead. I don’t care if you’re Harrison Ford, you’re still going to be dead. Not to mention the scene where he’s at a fancy theater talking very loudly into his secret device and nobody shushes him. In what theater would this be acceptable behavior? Not to mention this:

Then there was the time when I was sick as a dog pregnant and we watched the Downton Abbey season finale. I LOVE Downton Abbey but couldn’t keep myself awake for the whole episode. I was so upset with myself for falling asleep, with Christopher (how DARE he let me fall alseep) and with my life in general that I was still grumpy about 24 hours later. I was a true joy and delight to live with that week.

I’m not sure how a post intended to be about our romantic date turned into me rehashing movies I don’t understand. I’ll ponder it while I study wikipedia on the new James Bond movie coming out in 2015.  

he lives his life on pins and needles

Today is our third anniversary. 

Generally this is the day when it’s expected I write a sappy post about undying love and adoration, but I’m taking a new route this year. I’m going to talk about the biggest thing I learned about Christopher this year: he doesn’t like finding my sewing pins and needles on the floor.

I can’t imagine why.

I don’t leave them around on purpose. They make their own way out of the container and onto the floor. Nine times out of ten Christopher is the one to find them. The suspense of never knowing where a pin will show up next really adds a special suspense to our relationship.

Happy anniversary, Christopher. I hope you’re always the one to find my misplaced sewing items.