Yesterday was the day people wrote touching stories about how they looked at their child and fell in love with him/her the instant it was born.

I did not feel that way.

When the doctor held her up, I didn’t think “I’m so glad Sesame is a girl” or “I love her so much”. I looked at her and thought “She looks just like Tom Carl.” Tom Carl is a boy I’ve known since I was born and hadn’t thought about for months, yet suddenly he popped into my head in the operating room. I didn’t remember having dated Tom and certainly didn’t remember marrying him but my child looked like him. My medicated self was so confused. 

We did the baby dedication at church yesterday morning. The fact that I WILLINGLY SIGNED UP for an event that required me to stand in front of people proves that I have officially lost my mind. I was worried that I’d fall down the stairs or the baby would pull down the top of my dress but neither happened, hallelujah praise the Lord. Some people (looking at you, Alaska Sarah) pointed out that I didn’t smile while I was up there but there’s no way that was going to happen. We can only expect so many miracles on a Sunday morning. I hoped no one would be looking at me when they could be looking at a cute baby in her signature blue bow.

Annabelle and I wore matching dresses. I’m going to take advantage of matching with her while I can. 

She really liked that we were matchy-matchy. Look at the enthusiasm! 

That afternoon we went to the pottery painting studio because I wanted a tile with Sesame’s hand print on it. Not only am I sentimental, I am slightly crazy to think she’d be on board with the idea. She cried the entire time but we got it. One day, probably next month, I’ll look at it and cry about how little her hand was. Speaking of crying, the girl rolled from her belly to her side on Friday. Talk about traumatic. Rolling today, college tomorrow. 
IF I even let her go to college, which is doubtful.
I love her squishy face.