Welcome to the annual Airing of Grievances for the year 2019. Please remember this (mostly) not aimed at anyone in particular so please don’t get offended.

In no particular order:

+ The war against paper straws. I had a collection of no less than 37 different designs of paper straws. I know the good brands that stay in the correct shape and which kinds fall apart as soon as they’re put in liquid. Don’t come near me with your metal straws. If I want metal beyond silverware in my mouth I’ll go to the dentist.

+ One-way rows (aisles? lanes?) in parking lots. They’re in both Tennessee and Georgia shopping plazas and it drives me nuts. I never know which way I’m supposed to go. I want every lane to be driveable from both directions.

+ Runs for every holiday and occasion. Why? Why is this necessary? If you’re running a holiday marathon chances are you’d be running that day anyway. Why make a big deal about it and pay $40 for a run for something you could be doing for free American dollars?

+ Misuse of the words “post” and “blog.” A blog is an entire website made up of individual posts. It’s the same as chapters in a book. If you read one chapter of Moby Dick you shouldn’t say, “I read Moby Dick.” That implies that you read the whole book. In the same way, you shouldn’t say “I read a blog about candle making” when in reality the blog as a whole is not about candle making. You might be thinking, po-tay-toe po-tah-to, it doesn’t matter. If that’s how you feel, go write your own post about it. Or write a whole blog about it. This is a hill I am willing to die on.

+ Misuse of the word “whenever.” For example, “Whenever my grandpa was about to die, I went to see him.” How many times was grandpa about to die? Was this a recurring situation? If what you mean is you had one last visit with your grandfather before his passing say, “WHEN my grandfather…” The girls at work say it frequently so it could be a regional phrase, but it makes me cringe a little every time. 

+ Sammie/breakie/nappie/etc. This is a repeat from a few years ago but I still hear these abbreviations which means people aren’t paying attention. Please, please, please for the love everything do not say those words. Erika said, “Let’s make you girls a sammie” and I almost had to disown her which is a real shame because she’s a great sister in law.

+ Twerking. I am not going to elaborate. 

+ Talking on speakerphone in public. My scientific research has proven that this irritating trend is on the rise and I don’t understand it. First, we don’t all need to hear what your dad is saying on the other end as we try on shoes at Walmart. Second, it doesn’t free up your hands because you still have to hold the phone. Have I ever been interested in both sides of a conversation I’ve overheard? Yes. Does that mean I appreciate the extra noise added to already noisy shopping experiences? No.